Est. 1993 • Kings Nose, NJ The No Talent Ass Clowns

The official scandal sheet

The Rags

Every filing, newest first

2021

  1. Lazy Website Goes 3 Years Without New Blog

2018

  1. Pushing Rope Music Video Drops – Fans Go Ape Shit!
  2. Pushing Rope – New Ass Clowns Song Dropped
  3. Lars Gunblade and Klaus Hitler To Record Album This Year

2017

  1. Fake Time Magazine Cover Scandal Hits Ass Clowns
  2. Worst Wine Ever – Chateau de Twat – Purchased By Ass Clowns
  3. 10-Second Stories Launched by Rock Star Lars Gunblade
  4. Rock Band Members Plotting to Kill Each Other in Police Video

2016

  1. Drunk Musician Kicks Janitor: the Shocking Story
  2. Rock Band Won’t Pay Taxes. Builds Fort To Keep Out Feds.
  3. Rock Documentary Bombs at Premiere
  4. “It Might Get Loud” Documentary Deleted No Talent Ass Clowns Footage
  5. “Worst Album Ever” Post on YouTube Infuriates Rock Band
  6. CD of Farts Sells For 2 Million Dollars
  7. New Movie Trailer For “The First To Die” Gets Hollywood’s Attention
  8. Band’s Embarrassing Drunk Interview
  9. “The First To Die” Movie Trailer Released
  10. Rock Band Sells Its Soul To The Devil, Isn’t Impressed With Satan
  11. Rock and Roll Hall of Fame: Why Can’t This Band Get In?
  12. Rock The Vote 2016: No Clinton & Trump, Give U.S. Back to England
  13. Creative Differences in the Band as Joey and Carnage Leave
  14. Rare Demo of Ass Clowns Song Leaked to YouTube
  15. Band Had Sex With Their Own Manager? Big Ass Clowns Controversy
  16. Bayonet On Guitar Used To Kill Concertgoer
  17. Ass Clowns Live on the Doug Fredericks Show
  18. “Words of Wisdom” Music Video Divides Fans
  19. Band Will Only Release One CD From Now On
  20. “Ass On Demand” Music Video Stirs Controversy
  21. Band Plays To Empty Theaters… On Purpose
  22. Pinch The Loaf Music Video Posted
  23. “Pinch The Loaf” Fan Video Hits the Mark

2015

  1. VIDEO: Words of Wisdom #6
  2. VIDEO: Concert at Red Rocks Concert Wasn’t as Good as U2
  3. VIDEO: Fans Must Pay For Fan Membership Card
  4. “Pinch The Loaf” CD To Be Released Tuesday
  5. Downgrading Your Custom Gibson Les Paul Guitar
  6. VIDEO: Why Band Releases Their Music In Mono
  7. “I’m a total rock legend,” rock star Lars Gunblade tells Rock Wasteland magazine
  8. VIDEO: Ass Clowns Words of Wisdom #5
  9. VIDEO: Ass Clowns Outdo U2 Concert Prices
  10. VIDEO: The No Talent Ass Clowns in the Recording Studio
  11. VIDEO: The Ass Clowns’ Humble Beginnings in Kings Nose NJ
  12. VIDEO: Band Wants All Female Concertgoers to be Topless
  13. No Talent Ass Clowns: Words of Wisdom #4
  14. Vas Defrens: My Wedding with Porn Star Trixie Beaumont
  15. The No Talent Ass Clowns: “Don’t Look at Me”
  16. No Talent Ass Clowns: More Words of Wisdom
  17. More Ass Clowns Words of Wisdom
  18. No Talent Ass Clowns: Words of Wisdom
  19. “We want Ass Clowns fans to be violent,” says band
  20. Lars Gunblade Furious About Interviews on Funny or Die
  21. Ass Clowns Worried That People Think They’re a Fake Band
  22. Lars Gunblade Admits Running Over Man in Latest Interview
  23. Lars Gunblade Charity, LarsAid, Under Fire From IRS
  24. The No Talents Ass Clowns in “The First to Die” Feature Film
  25. Interview With Lars Gunblade & Vas Defrens: Surprising New Revelations
  26. Lars Gunblade at Nouveau Merde Fashion Show
  27. Lars Gunblade’s Strip Clubs Shut Down Permanently
  28. Vas Defrens Arrested at Strip Club
  29. Lars Gunblade Opens Strip Club Chain
  30. Police Question Guitarist Vas Defrens About Dead Hooker
  31. Jon Stewart Ridicules Rock Legend Lars Gunblade
  32. Lars Gunblade & Vas Vefrens Give Rare On-Camera Interview
  33. Lars Gunblade Explodes in Rock Wasteland Interview
  34. No Talent Ass Clowns Rock Long Island Bar Mitzvah
  35. Singer Lars Gunblade Arrested For Beating Photographer
  36. Drummer Joey Van Dundro Found in Love Nest with “Singer”

2014

  1. New Vas Defrens CD Sparks Outrage
  2. Dave Grohl, Lars Gunblade Christmas CD Scrapped
  3. Crazed Fan Buford Picklefeather Found Dead in Prison Cell
  4. Ass Clowns found alive in Buford Picklefeather’s Secret Lair
  5. Ass Clowns Website To Shut Down
  6. Ass Clowns Fan Buford Picklefeather Held for Band’s Murder
  7. Ass Clowns Drummer Missing. Obama Urges Calm.
  8. Carnage Smith Vanishes; “WTF!” say Fans
  9. Final Lars Gunblade Interview for Rock Wasteland?
  10. Ass Clowns Guitarist Vas Defrens Disappears
  11. Lars Gunblade Missing
  12. No Talent Ass Clowns Declare Bankruptcy & Break Up Big
  13. Vas Defrens Declares Ass Clowns To Be Fake Band
  14. Ass Clown Guitarist Vas Defrens Weds Porn Star Trixie Beaumont
  15. Band to Produce Film Version of “The Catcher in the Rye”
  16. Band’s Plan to Perform Naked in Polar Vortex Suffers Epic Fail

2013

  1. Lars Gunblade to Fans: “Don’t Look at Me”
  2. Ass Clowns Rock Out With Local New Mexico Band “TwaughtHammer”
  3. Ass Clowns To Release World’s Most Compressed CD
  4. A Tour of Vas Defrens’ Infamous Estate: Rectal Hall
  5. Carlos Danger: a Major Ass Clowns Fan?
  6. Vas Defrens to Spend More Time With His Ass Collection
  7. Ass Clowns to Break Up? Gunblade Says Maybe!
  8. Lars Gunblade Announces Fornicators Reunion Concert
  9. Ass Clowns Demand That Their Fans Pay To Be Fans
  10. Ass Clowns Commenter Kills Other Commenter
  11. Sarah Palin Once Dated Ass Clowns’ Guitarist
  12. Band Tricked Into Buying Fictional “Xanadu” Mansion
  13. Ass Clowns Drummer Admits to “Ass Clowning”
  14. Lars Gunblade Introduces New Cologne
  15. Shocking New Ass Clowns Stage Set Unveiled
  16. Guitarist Vas Defrens: “I hate our fans.”
  17. Nude Female Concertgoers Only at Latest Ass Clown Concert
  18. Vas Defrens Closes The Ass House
  19. Band claims: “We all dated Lennay Kekua”
  20. Is Rock Wasteland Magazine Trashing Lars Gunblade?
  21. Ass Clowns to Outsource For Concert Appearances

2012

  1. Band Spends Day Doing Nothing
  2. Lars Gunblade Forced Foo Fighters Hiatus
  3. Ass Clowns Take Touring Spacecraft To Mars To Harass Curiosity Rover
  4. Band To Launch First Sub-Orbital Touring Plane
  5. Band To Play Benefit For Benedict Arnold Memorial
  6. Ass Clowns Release New Single Exclusively on Edison Cylinder
  7. “Centralia concert will happen!” says band
  8. Ass Clowns’ Manager & Roadie Found. Free Centralia Concert Cancelled.
  9. Ass Clowns’ tour van found empty outside Centralia–roadie, manager missing
  10. Virgins Selected For Sacrifice at Centralia PA Concert
  11. Ass Clowns Release New CD Amid Centralia Concert Controversy
  12. Controversial Centralia PA Concert May Draw 200
  13. Centralia, PA: Free Concert With Virgin Sacrifices
  14. Band to Sacrifice Virgins During Upcoming Concert
  15. Bass Player Carnage Smith Popular With Ass Clown Fans
  16. Lars Gunblade’s Car Explodes. Rock Star Slightly Injured.
  17. Pete Best Conspiracy Theory Explained. Tarnishes Beatles Image!
  18. Ass Clowns’ CD Contains Clues to Ex-Drummer’s Murder
  19. The No Talent Ass Clowns Want to Play Your Town!
  20. “Ted Nugent Is Gay!” Says Band
  21. Ass Clowns’ Drummer Joey Van Dundro Arrested
  22. Ass Clowns’ Guitarist Vas Defrens Arrested
  23. Ass Clowns Bassist Carnage Smith Arrested Without Charges
  24. Lars Gunblade Busted For Possession of 57 Tons of Pot
  25. New Limited Edition Lars Gunblade Poster
  26. New Social Disease Named For Ass Clowns Band
  27. Ass Clowns’ Guitarist Checks Into Hospital For “Exhaustion”
  28. Lars Gunblade Announces Quickie Solo Tour
  29. Band To Invest In Film Restoration
  30. Lars Gunblade Says God Wants Him To Be a Decadent Rock Star
  31. Ass Clowns And Their Favorite Music Videos
  32. Violent Protesters Demand Death of Ass Clowns

2011

  1. Lars Gunblade CD Released as Special Edition
  2. New CD Creates Waves
  3. New Ass Clowns CD Released Today
  4. Unhappy Customers Found in Restaurant’s Stew
  5. Forget Occupy Wall St.–Now It’s Occupy Consumption Auditorium
  6. Lars Gunblade is Newest Herman Cain Accuser
  7. Drummer Joey Van Dundro Joins Wall Street Protesters
  8. No Talent Ass Clowns Reunite
  9. No Talent Ass Clowns Call It Quits
  10. Renegade Christian Church Worships Ass Clowns CD
  11. Vampire Kangaroos Blamed on Ass Clowns Band
  12. Band Tells All Other Music Groups To Quit Within 30 Days
  13. Rock Star Being Treated For Lack of Depression
  14. Ass Clowns Launch Second Tour Blimp
  15. Famous rock anthemn “Blow Chunks Ballet” used at Gitmo, reveals Wikileaks
  16. Rock Star Arrested For Killing 6 Concertgoers With Taser
  17. Rock band declares bankruptcy
  18. Fake Ass Clowns Concert Dates Plague Venues
  19. Rock band demands more violence at concerts
  20. Band Against Ass Clowns Tribute Band
  21. Rock Star Ashamed To Admit He’s Not Decadent
  22. Rocker Lars Gunblade Considering Presidential Run in 2012
  23. Body of Ex-Ass Clowns Drummer Found with Yale Secret Society
  24. Ass Clown Singer Calls Fans “Developmentally Challenged Cretins”
  25. “Ass Clowning” — A Rowdy Concertgoer Ritual
  26. Ass Clowns Sell Out to Advertisers
  27. BREAKING NEWS– band requires all female concertgoers to be topless
  28. Ass Clowns Booted From Sex Addiction Clinic
  29. Blimp Crash a Fake — Band Spotted in Amsterdam Brothel
  30. No Talent Ass Clowns Die In Tragic Blimp Accident
  31. No Talent Ass Clowns Blimp Goes Missing; Obama Urges Calm
  32. Rock Star’s Signature Sells For 10 Million Dollars
  33. Rock Star Creates Charity – For Himself
  34. Are The No Talent Ass Clowns actually vampires?
  35. Consumption Auditorium – Known By Rock Stars As “The Toilet”
  36. Ass Clowns Drummer Not Arrested For Non-Sexual Act On Stage
  37. More Colleges Ban “Blow Chunks Ballet”
  38. “Blow Chunks Ballet” Leaked to YouTube – Band Furious

2010

  1. Rock Wasteland Magazine Votes “Blow Chunks Ballet” Greatest Song Ever
  2. No Talent Ass Clowns voted greatest rock band of all time
  3. Vas Defrens’ New ASS HOUSE Opens
  4. Vas Defrens’ new CD called “Pure Genius” by Defrens
  5. Lars Gunblade tells Britney Spears, “No, kiss MY a**!”
  6. No Talent Ass Clowns Release New CD in Mono
  7. No Talent Ass Clowns and Technoviking (Techno Viking) to Team Up
  8. No Talent Ass Clowns furious that web sites call them “parody band”
  9. Lars Gunblade Arrested Outside Rock And Roll Hall of Fame
  10. Lars Gunblade donates first car to Planet Hollywood in Guam
  11. Stink Bug Overlords to be new CD from Ass Clowns.
  12. Ass Clowns Threaten To Cancel Concert Tour
  13. Step Aside, U2! Ass Clowns To Charge $5,000 For Concert Seats
  14. New chart shows how many groupies each Ass Clowns band member has gotten pregnant
  15. Navy blimp in Gulf nearly collides with No Talent Ass Clowns blimp
  16. The No Talent Ass Clowns Launch First Tour Blimp
  17. No Talent Ass Clowns For Guitar Hero Announced
  18. No Talent Ass Clowns Video Banned!
  19. Historic Dildo Days Says “No” To No Talent Ass Clowns
  20. Ex-Ass Clowns Drummer Found Dead
  21. Dave Grohl, Lars Gunblade Photo Uncovered!
  22. Lars Gunblade arrested at Consumption Auditorium
  23. “Back Door Club” stirs controversy
  24. Dress Like An Ass Clown
  25. Lars Gunblade Photo Book? Are U Kidding Me?
  26. New “No Talent Ass Clowns” Bootleg Released
  27. Just In: Track Listing for “You Make Me Sick”
  28. Lars’ New Book — Not For the Easily Offended or Very Literate
  29. Vas Defrens’ New CD – Shit or Sublime?