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Ass Clowns to Break Up? Gunblade Says Maybe!
The No Talent Ass Clowns, a band famous for threatening to break up, may be parting ways for real according to front man Lars Gunblade. In a hastily…
Vol. 1 • The official scandal sheet
The Rags
Ink, rumor, and residual legal fees
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Lars Gunblade Announces Fornicators Reunion Concert
Factory-Sealed Fornicators, a no-hit wonder band of 1991, bit the dust in 1992. Two members of the band went on to lengthy prison terms for prostitution and racketeering…
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Ass Clowns Demand That Their Fans Pay To Be Fans
In a surprising new development, controversial rockers The No Talent Ass Clowns are demanding that fans pay a yearly fee to be fans. For $500 a year, members…
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Ass Clowns Commenter Kills Other Commenter
In a shocking turn of events, a popular commenter at The No Talent Ass Clowns Worship Site has killed another commenter after the two exchanged hateful remarks earlier…
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Sarah Palin Once Dated Ass Clowns’ Guitarist
Days after Sarah Palin referred to White House Correspondents on Twitter as “assclowns,” No Talent Ass Clowns guitarist Vas Defrens admitted that he once dated the former half-governor…
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Band Tricked Into Buying Fictional “Xanadu” Mansion
Legendary rockers The No Talent Ass Clowns are 40 million dollars poorer after being tricked into buying the fictional Xanadu mansion from the film Citizen Kane. “We were…
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Ass Clowns Drummer Admits to “Ass Clowning”
In a surprising revelation, No Talent Ass Clowns drummer Joey Van Dundro admitted that he “ass clowns” cars all the time. Ass Clowning is the notorious practice that…
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Lars Gunblade Introduces New Cologne
Celebrity cologne. You can’t throw a rock without hitting a celebrity with one these days. And No Talent Ass Clowns front man Lars Gunblade wasn’t about to miss…
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Shocking New Ass Clowns Stage Set Unveiled
Close on the heels of a show where female audience members were required to be totally naked, a new stage set for The No Talent Ass Clowns is…
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Guitarist Vas Defrens: “I hate our fans.”
Bad boy guitarist Vas Defrens of The No Talent Ass Clowns recently let fans know where they stand… in the toilet. “Yeah, our fans totally suck,” said Defrens…