Boston female fans at a recent The No Talent Ass Clowns rock concert at TD Garden attended wearing no tops, as required by the controversial band in their lengthy contract. Male Boston fans were elated to witness the throngs of bare-breasted ladies at the TD Garden venue, no doubt glad that the air was colder than usual in the arena.

“I was impressed,” said No Talent Ass Clowns front man Lars Gunblade. “An ocean of Boston’s finest ta-tas for our viewing pleasure. There was a massive woody factor for me when I walked out on stage. Normally, I’m looking down at pimply hipsters and it’s depressing. This time, I got an eyeful of exposed breasts in every possible direction. Definitely a better situation. Although it still wasn’t perfect.”

“TD Garden kind of sucks,” said guitarist Vas Defrens. “Actually Boston in general was pretty awful. But despite the band’s very bad attitude about having to play here, fans got only a slightly sub-par rock concert and I made it with the entire women’s volleyball team from Harvard so I’m in good shape.”

Female fans at the Boston venue were perfectly at ease with being topless at the rock concert at TD Garden. “I liked it a lot,” said Wendy, an animal husbandry major from Boston College. “I enjoyed all the groping that went on from the moment I got there until I left.”

“This feels like the end of civilization,” said Amber, an elderly woman who lives several miles from the TD Garden venue. “No one wants to see bare breasts in a public place like that. Women’s bodies are dirty and should only be seen in strip clubs and adult videos.”

Next Rock Concert At TD Garden May Bring Nude Fans

“Topless chicks? That’s just the tip of the iceberg,” said Gunblade. “At the next rock concert at TD Garden, they’ll hopefully be totally nude. For some reason, the Boston cops aren’t totally into this idea. We’ve bribed them and still they’re saying no. This is the Boston police we’re talkin’ about so I’m surprised the bribes didn’t work.”