Rock The Vote 2016 may look a little different this year…
Everyone is talking about the 2016 Presidential Election. Who is going to win? Trump? Clinton? Megaband The No Talent Ass Clowns has other ideas. Their contribution to Rock The Vote 2016 is totally out of left field: give the U.S. back to England. It may be just the thing to compensate for England pulling out of the EU.
Rock The Vote 2016: Vote Down Independence
“Hey, man, look at the choices,” said front man Lars Gunblade. “Donald Trump is a small-fingered vulgarian millionaire pretending to be a billionaire. Dude’s got a string of bankruptcies, zero experience in government and he hates anyone who ain’t Donald Trump. Hillary Clinton has all the warmth and humanity of a marble slab that’s been kept in a freezer. Why vote for Trump? Why vote for Clinton? I say don’t. It’s time to give the United States back to England. Yeah, that’s right, England! Let’s be British colonies again like before the American Revolution.”
“Come to think of it,” said guitarist Vas Defrens, “the American Revolution was a mistake. We actually had it pretty good as colonies of England back in the day. I’m thinking that we could really dig having everything done for us again. No president, no congress, no elections… it would be beautiful. Plus, our national debt would be their problem. Plus, we give them a shit ton of natural resources. Then they can tell the EU to shove it. What’s not to like?”
“I Ain’t Bowing to the Queen”
“I’ll tell you what though,” exclaimed Gunblade. “I ain’t bowing to the Queen. It ain’t happenin’. Although come to think of it, I wouldn’t mind being knight or lord or whatever. Lord Lars Gunblade… yeah, I like that. And chicks would totally dig it.”
“We’re thinking Kate Middleton will be Queen one day and we’re way into that. I mean, damn, she’s pretty hot,” says Defrens. “She could summon us to her court for some official function and then we’d party afterwards. Lars and I are betting she’s like insatiable behind closed doors. We’re talkin’ a real QUILF here. But we don’t mean that disrespectfully.”
As part of Rock The Vote 2016, Gunblade and Defrens are actively promoting the idea of giving America back to Great Britain at their performances. Unfortunately, since they won’t let anyone attend their concerts, this has had only limited effectiveness.