“We’ve done. It’s over. I hate these guys. I hope they all die.”

Those were the words of No Talent Ass Clowns front man Lars Gunblade when he announced that the band is splitting up. “No one in the band realizes how great I am. Now, some of them have their own ideas how our songs should be played rather than doing what I tell them to do. That’s when I realized I had to pull the plug!” said Gunblade aboard the band’s tour blimp.

“I’m glad it’s over,” said guitarist Vas Defrens. “Lars is a nightmare. Carnage [Smith] and Joey [Van Dundro] aren’t much better. I can’t count the number of times I tried poisoning their Jack Daniels. Yet, somehow, they’d survive even when I upped the dosage enough to kill an elephant.”

Although the band is over, Gunblade said they will continue to play concert dates indefinitely. “Hey, that’s money. We’re lip-synching anyway so it’s an easy gig.”

Fans worldwide are horrified. “I can’t believe that there will be no more Ass Clowns CDs,” said Buford Picklefeather of Perth Amboy, NJ. “I have rigged a noose in my hallway and will do myself in if the band doesn’t reconsider.”

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