Early this morning, No Talent Ass Clowns front man Lars Gunblade narrowly escaped death when his car exploded near Kings Nose, NJ. Reporters at the scene found a dazed Gunblade declaring that ex-Beatle Paul McCartney had to be responsible. Gunblade recently published a book linking the firing of ex-Beatles drummer Pete Best with the “Paul […]

It’s a fairly typical story. A rabid No Talent Ass Clowns fan in Haney, Canada logged onto the Ass Clowns website on April 6 and spent 31 minutes reading page after page of content about the legendary band and its exploits. What’s not so typical is that just a month later, the Ass Clowns played […]

For the first time in the band’s history, three of the four members of the legendary No Talent Ass Clowns have been arrested within the space of one month. Last night, Ass Clowns guitarist Vas Defrens was arrested in Kings Nose, NJ after an altercation with a police officer. He joins the ranks of recent […]

The No Talent Ass Clowns‘ bassist Carnage Smith was arrested outside Jerry Gold Recording Studios in Kings Nose, NJ late last night. This is not an unusual occurrence. Carnage Smith has been arrested hundreds of times for drug possession and soliciting prostitutes. This time, however, there were no charges of any kind. Arresting Officer Hans […]

Legendary No Talent Ass Clowns front man Lars Gunblade was arrested this morning for possession of 57 tons of marijuana by ATF agents who track him throughout the year. “57 tons of pot is a lot of pot,” said ATF agent Jacques O’Flaherty. “I mean a whole lot of bud. Like 35 tractor trailers worth […]

For a limited time, No Talent Ass Clowns fans can get a special limited edition poster of rock legend, Lars Gunblade. Printed on special recycled smoking papers, the poster shows the legendary rocker in his favorite setting, the disreputable Consumption Auditorium “dressing room” in Kings Nose, NJ. Fans worldwide are appalled that the poster sells […]