The No Talent Ass Clowns, a band famous for threatening to break up, may be parting ways for real according to front man Lars Gunblade. In a hastily called press conference aboard the band’s famous tour blimp, An impaired Gunblade struggled to remain upright to address reporters. “It’s f*cking over,” said a red-eyed Gunblade. “Our […]

Factory-Sealed Fornicators, a no-hit wonder band of 1991, bit the dust in 1992. Two members of the band went on to lengthy prison terms for prostitution and racketeering (they were released in 2011). Two, Lars Gunblade and Vas Defrens, went on to form The No Talent Ass Clowns. And now, despite no demands for it, […]

In a surprising new development, controversial rockers The No Talent Ass Clowns are demanding that fans pay a yearly fee to be fans. For $500 a year, members of The No Talent Ass Clowns Platinum Club will be able to purchase the band’s CDs and posters and attend their concerts. “Without the membership, you won’t […]

In a shocking turn of events, a popular commenter at The No Talent Ass Clowns Worship Site has killed another commenter after the two exchanged hateful remarks earlier this week. “T-Bone” an ex-convict from New York City, killed 26-year-old Lew Flapp of Scranton, PA with a dull ice pick after the two quarreled earlier in […]

Legendary rockers The No Talent Ass Clowns are 40 million dollars poorer after being tricked into buying the fictional Xanadu mansion from the film Citizen Kane. “We were looking for a huge mansion where we could party 24/7,” said front man Lars Gunblade. “We saw that cool mansion in ‘Citizen Kane’ and thought, WTF, let’s […]

In a surprising revelation, No Talent Ass Clowns drummer Joey Van Dundro admitted that he “ass clowns” cars all the time. Ass Clowning is the notorious practice that involves breaking into cars at Ass Clowns concerts and defecating on the driver’s seat. Since its invention in the 1990s by the mysterious Nick Ray Tummo, Ass […]

Celebrity cologne. You can’t throw a rock without hitting a celebrity with one these days. And No Talent Ass Clowns front man Lars Gunblade wasn’t about to miss out on this phenomenon. “Hey, if Taylor Swift can sell out and hawk her own stupid perfume, why can’t I peddle my damn cologne?” declared the infamous […]

Close on the heels of a show where female audience members were required to be totally naked, a new stage set for The No Talent Ass Clowns is turning heads… and stomachs. Unveiled at the band’s February 1st show, the curtain opened to reveal an enormous naked ass at the back of the stage made […]

Bad boy guitarist Vas Defrens of The No Talent Ass Clowns recently let fans know where they stand… in the toilet. “Yeah, our fans totally suck,” said Defrens after a recent sell-out concert. Defrens told how he and the rest of the band held lengthy discussions about how inconvenient it was to have fans. “It […]