Female fans at a recent The No Talent Ass Clowns rock concert at the Paradise in Boston attended topless, as mandated in the legendary band’s inflexible contract. Male Boston fans were getting off on seeing the waves of bare-breasted women at the Paradise venue, no doubt glad that the Boston air was colder than usual inside.

“I was sporting a major woodie,” said No Talent Ass Clowns front man Lars Gunblade. “An array of Boston’s finest mammary protrusions for our viewing pleasure. It was a great sight when I walked out on stage. Normally, I’m looking down at beanpole hipsters and it’s f*cking depressing. This time, it was eye candy in every direction. A much better situation definitely. Although it also had its problems, as I said in a video interview recently.”

“The Paradise kind of sucks because they gave U2 their start during their first US tour back in 1980,” said guitarist Vas Defrens. “If it hadn’t been for places like the Paradise, U2 might have tanked in the US and they would have gone nowhere. That way, we wouldn’t have been subjected to albums like Pop. Thanks a lot! So we struck back at the Paradise by giving the fans a fairly shitty rock concert. On the plus side, I made it with an entire women’s volleyball team from Peabody after the show so I’m happy.”

Female fans were enthusiastic being topless at the rock concert at the Paradise. “It was fun,” said Erica, a pre-law student from Dartmouth. “The groping was constant. As a woman, I’m supposed to say that I was offended but I wasn’t. I’d do it again in a minute, although I should probably wait until after the baby is born. Somebody at that concert got me pregnant but I’m not sure who.”

“I can’t believe this is happening,” said Ada, an elderly woman who lives close to the Paradise venue. “No normal person wants to see bare titties in public. They went right by my house with those supple breasts just hanging out. Women’s bodies should only be seen in strip clubs. I don’t think I’m wrong here.”

Next Rock Concert At The Paradise May Bring Nude Fans

“Topless chicks is only the beginning, man,” said Gunblade. “At the next rock concert at the Paradise, we are planning for the chicks to be totally nude. For whatever reason, the Boston cops aren’t playing ball with us on this one. We’ve tried to pay them off and they didn’t budge. These is the Boston police we’re talkin’ about. How could trying to pay them off not work?”