Legendary band The No Talent Ass Clowns recently explained why they charge six times more for concert tickets than U2 does. “Why? Because we can,” said singer Lars Gunblade. Gunblade seems to have a few issues with U2 singer Bono. “I’ve always had a problem with U2. I saw U2 at their famous Red Rocks concert in ’83. It was raining like a mofo all night. I got phenomena from that concert and Bono didn’t. That has always pissed me off.”

“Lars and Bono don’t get along,” said guitarist Vas Defrens. “They’ve met a couple of times and Lars told Bono that U2 was nothing more than an Irish show band. For whatever reason, that really got Bono angry as shit.”

The Ass Clowns apparently plan to keep raising prices every month. “Eventually I want each ticket to be $30,000. That’s my goal. Milk these ‘sheeple’ for all they’re worth. Look at it this way, they’ll appreciate the concert even more when they pay through the nose.”

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkmGd8IxX6c

Legendary band The No Talent Ass Clowns opened up about working in the recording studio. Singer Lars Gunblade acknowledged the difficulty of writing songs, admitting it can take him up to an hour to write a song. Guitarist Vas Defrens recounted the difficulties they had with a midget band recording next door.

Much was made of the band’s infamous “Ass on Demand” album. Gunblade declared that the song “In My Mind’s Ass” truly defined the band’s style. “We think about ass a lot. Who doesn’t?” asked the singer after the interview.

The segment begins with some recently discovered fan home video of the band’s 1995 concert at Gacy Arena in Waterloo, Iowa. “I remember that concert mostly because I had shat my pants just as we walked out onstage but I couldn’t change clothes till the show was over. Not the best memory in the world if you don’t like that sort of thing.”

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Mega band The No Talent Ass Clowns recently discussed their childhood in Kings Nose NJ in a new interview released over the weekend. Singer Lars Gunblade and guitarist Vas Defrens revealed childhood robberies at a candy store and a general dislike for the town and its mayor.

The two rock stars have always had a love/hate relationship with Kings Nose. “We love to hate it,” said Gunblade after the interview. “Kings Nose is the toilet of New Jersey. If you know New Jersey, you know that’s quite a statement.”

In addition, Lars seemed to be hinting during the interview at a sexual relationship with the Mayor’s sexy wife, former porn star Traci Trench. When reached for comment,  Trench would only say, “Yes, I have known Lars Gunblade for many years in Kings Nose. I cannot confirm or deny that there are secret sex tapes of us about to be released in high definition with some really good lighting and some very visually dynamic camera angles. Just keep watching my website for any updates about this rumored sex tape in about three weeks. That’s all I’m saying.”

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Mega band The No Talent Ass Clowns have repeated their demand that all female concertgoers to be topless. “Doing concerts over and over gets boring,” said front man Lars Gunblade. “Seeing half-naked chicks during the concerts is definitely a morale boaster for me. That sea of ta-tas makes me glad to be a musician because, as I said during the interview, not much makes me happy to be a musician. So this almost makes it worth it. All I can say is that I’m glad the concert venues are so cold. That improves the visual a whole lot.”

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Mega band The No Talent Ass Clowns have just released the fourth installment of their video series “Words of Wisdom.” Singer Lars Gunblade and guitarist Vas Defrens continue to give us exclusive access to their original thoughts about fame, music and life in general.

Like several recent interviews, this video includes a short piece of archival home video of the Ass Clowns on tour before recording their first album in 1995. This footage was recently located at a garage sale in Scranton, PA.

“What we have to say is awesome as usual,” said Gunblade as he was leaving a strip club in Kings Nose, NJ. “I don’t want to say that you should worship our words as gospel, although that’s not a bad idea at all.”

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A new interview sheds light on what happened at guitarist Vas Defrens‘ wedding with international porn star Trixie Beaumont. The elaborate wedding, which took place at stately Rectal Hall, the pleasure palace built by Defrens in the foothills of the headlands of Montana.

“If you’re goin’ to hell,” said Defrens recently, “go for the right reasons and I got the right reasons. My wedding day was complete debauchery and it was great. I had sex all day long and I’m not even sure if Trixie and I actually got it on. I’ve got a great life. Much better than any of the fans, that’s for sure.”

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Singer Lars Gunblade of The No Talent Ass Clowns discussed his desire that fans not look at him in this recent interview conducted by port star Trixie Beaumont.

“Yeah, this is something that I’m really adamant about,” said Gunblade. “Nobody looks at the Lars man. Just the other day, a fan in the audience had the nerve to look directly at me during a concert. Needless to say, I tased him and he collapsed in convulsions. Maybe that would have taught him a lesson if he hadn’t died.”

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The No Talent Ass Clowns deliver more thought-provoking comments in their latest interview, which was directed by porn star Trixie Beaumont. There can be no doubt that singer Lars Gunblade and guitarist Vas Defrens are some seriously deep thinkers.

“The No Talent Ass Clowns are awesome. If I was somebody else, I’d still think we were awesome,” said Gunblade in the video.

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The No Talent Ass Clowns have released the second installment of their “Words of Wisdom” videos. “These are some of our best moments,” said front man Lars Gunblade. “Since the No Talent Ass Clowns are music gurus, we gave out a lot of good information. Consider these videos to be a value add for the fans.”

“Actually, these are outtakes that sucked,” said the interview’s director, adult video star Trixie Beaumont. “But rather than have them go unseen, we recycle them as part of this Words of Wisdom bullshit. The fans aren’t very smart so it works.”

“The more videos, the better,” said guitarist Vas Defrens. “The groupies get super turned on watching them so it works out real well for me. My wife Trixie enjoys making videos of my encounters with middle-aged groupies and she says these videos are better than handing them alcohol. That’s good enough for me.”

“Watch it or you’re dumb!” concluded Gunblade. “I’m serious.”

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Very little video of The No Talent Ass Clowns in concert is available so it’s worth noting that a recent Ass Clowns short video includes concert footage of the band performing its signature tune Blow Chunks Ballet.

“We generally don’t want concert footage out there,” said front man Lars Gunblade. “After all, we want the stupid fans to buy the f*ckin’ tickets. Not sit watching us for free on a f*ckin’ TV. What good does that do us?”

“This is just some dumb shit that wasn’t good enough to be included in the actual interview video,” said the director, adult film star Trixie Beaumont. “Although you could argue this is the best interview of all because it’s the shortest.”

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