President becomes emotional about the possible loss of the band

Shocking news — The No Talent Ass Clowns tour blimp has disappeared over the frozen wastes of Greenland. In a Monday morning emergency press conference at the White House, President Obama asked the nation to remain calm.

“The No Talent Ass Clowns are a great band. Politicians from both sides of the aisle will admit that,” said a tearful Obama as he glanced at an image of the band’s tour blimp over his shoulder. “We don’t know their fate. Let’s keep speculation to a minimum. At the same time, I have a promo vinyl copy of their first album that’s about to triple in value.”

“Obama’s new-found love for The No Talent Ass Clowns is interesting,” commented Rush Limbaugh on his morning show. “He’s making the disappearance of this band a political issue. I, for one, resent that.”

The band made news last year when they launched the hydrogen-filled dirigible, calling it the first tour blimp in history. Since then, they have circled the world several times. Reporters were frequently shocked to see the band and groupies cavorting in hot tubs aboard the blimp while being interviewed.

All radio contact with the blimp ended late Sunday night. Rescuers say it could be days before they have any answers regarding the fate of the band.

UPDATE (2/8/11): Rescuers have found a burnt thong, five shattered cases of whiskey and several dime bags lodged in snow drifts. Rescue attempts are continuing.

Stay tuned for further developments…