Singer Lars Gunblade’s new cologne hits the shelves today
Celebrity cologne. You can’t throw a rock without hitting a celebrity with one these days. And No Talent Ass Clowns front man Lars Gunblade wasn’t about to miss out on this phenomenon.
“Hey, if Taylor Swift can sell out and hawk her own stupid perfume, why can’t I peddle my damn cologne?” declared the infamous Ass Clowns singer. Entitled Tre Lars, the pricey new cologne offers a sensory experience previously unavailable.
“You know that putrid stank you have when you pass out at 4am on Sunday morning on the front steps of your house?” said Gunblade. “That’s what I was going for. Tre Lars has the delicate fragrance of cigarettes, stale beer and pot with just a suggestion of vomit and B.O. to top it off. If that’s doesn’t make the chicks crazy for you, I don’t know what will.”
Update: Numerous buyers of Tre Lars have been hospitalized since last Friday, including 12 rumored fatalities. Users have been asked to refer to the cologne’s disclaimer on the side of the bottle: “Regular use of Tre Lars has been associated with sudden, violent and uncontrollable bleeding from the eyes and rectum. Use sparingly.”