“I gave my life savings to LarsAid,” said one female fan. “I think I got boned and not in a good way.”
For years, LarsAid has been on the IRS’s watch list of highly questionable charities. The fund, set up to benefit No Talent Ass Clowns frontman Lars Gunblade, has long been suspected of being bogus.
“Seriously, this is 100% fake,” said IRS representative Jonathan Tuttle. “You can only make donations in cash to a mail box in Albania. I’ve seen plenty of fake charities before but never one so obvious. It’s like this son of a bitch wants to go to jail or something. I mean, we’ll be more than happy to accommodate Mr. Gunblade and send him to the hoosegow where he can be someone’s bitch. I guess you could call that poetic justice. And I’m not just saying that because Gunblade banged my wife after a concert in 1998 and she left me right afterwards to join them on the road. That’s irrelevant. Totally beside the point.”
“LarsAid is my dream,” says Gunblade
“Hey, I need this charity,” said Gunblade after a recent concert. “Playing music and touring is work and I hate work. I want people to give me money for not doing anything. That’s my dream. And LarsAid is a way to make that dream come true.”
Many fans are highly supportable of Gunblade and LarsAid. “A lot of people are trying to kill me,” said Nick Ray Tummo of Fresno, California. “Somebody’s gonna waste me soon. I just got a feeling, a feeling deep inside that Lars could use the money more than me.”
The IRS has promised that Gunblade will likely to brought up on charges within the next few months. Gunblade remains defiant, however, and has promised retaliation if the IRS moves any further with their investigation. “I’m a rock star, ” says Gunblade. “That means I can do whatever I want. I’m beyond the law, just like Bob Geldoff.”