To the surprise of the rest of the band, No Talent Ass Clowns front man Lars Gunblade announced a brief solo tour in March. “Yeah, I needed to get away from the rest of the band,” said Gunblade during a hastily called press conference aboard the band’s tour blimp. “They suck and I wanted to play a few dates where I didn’t have to share the money with other losers.”
“This is kind of a shock,” said Ass Clowns’ guitarist Vas Defrens. “We were supposed to be in the studio in March. Now what? Should I record another solo CD? Hell, no, that’s too much work. I guess I could spend the time getting high and nailing groupies but that’s just business as usual. Where’s the thrill?”
Gunblade promises an amazing show. “I’m doing a whole new version of Blow Chunks Ballet. A lot of people don’t know that Blow Chunks pre-dates the Ass Clowns. I was playing that song in the Factory-Sealed Fornicators. On this tour, I have a children’s choir backing me up on the chorus and we’re all going to throw up on the people in the front row at the end of the song. It’s gonna be awesome!”
Billing himself as “L. Gunblade,” the infamous singer hopes to put some distance between himself and the Ass Clowns. “Let’s be honest. The rest of the band isn’t as great as I am. They’re not going to suckle at my teat this time. This tour is ‘me-time’ and I’m takin’ it.”
The No Talent Ass Clowns will resume their world tour in April.