Buford Picklefeather of Perth Amboy, NJ was found dead in his prison cell early Sunday morning. Picklefeather, who was awaiting trial for kidnapping world famous rock band The No Talent Ass Clowns, was discovered with multiple blunt force trauma injuries to his face and neck. Suspicion was aroused when authorities learned that the band visited […]

Bad boy rock band The No Talent Ass Clowns were discovered alive 50 feet below ground in a secret lair near Kings Nose, NJ. The S&M themed prison was built by crazed fan Buford Picklefeather of Perth Amboy, NJ. The band has been missing for months, which prompted many to believe (and hope) they were […]

In an alarming announcement made this morning, webmaster Ricky Yelnats informed reporters from Rock Wasteland magazine that the No Talent Ass Clowns Official Worship Site will shut down shortly. “This is happening due to short-sighted police officials who follow the very old fashioned idea that racketeering is illegal,” said Yelnats. “With the band missing, however, […]

Long-time fan Buford Picklefeather of Perth Amboy, NJ is being held by Kings Nose, NJ police on suspicion of murdering The No Talent Ass Clowns. The unemployed Renaissance Fair juggler was taken into custody last night as he attended the annual Kings Nose Gay Shame Parade in the city’s famous Warehouse District. The story began […]

No Talent Ass Clowns drummer Joey Van Dundro has vanished, which means the entire band is now missing! In a press conference this morning in front of a giant mural of the band, President Obama urged fans to remain calm and carry on. “The markets are already reacting to this news,” said Obama. “It’s a […]

Ass Clowns Bass Player Carnage Smith has gone missing, which means there is only one member of The No Talent Ass Clowns accounted for. Late Thursday night, Smith visited Madame Ovary’s Pleasure Palace, a seedy massage parlor in the famous warehouse district of Kings Nose, NJ. He apparently paid for his appointment and left. When […]

Rock Wasteland’s September issue features what may be Lars Gunblade’s final interview. The legendary singer of The No Talent Ass Clowns has been missing since July. The special Ass Clowns issue, selling for $30, contains some interesting comments from the bad boy of rock: Rock Wasteland: What’s your contribution to music? Lars Gunblade: Not much […]

Less than a week after the disappearance of front man Lars Gunblade, No Talent Ass Clowns guitarist Vas Defrens has also been declared missing. No one has seen the bad boy guitarist since Monday when he was spotted leaving a 5-star brothel in Bangkok, Thailand. “This is f–ing crazy!” shouted manager Jerry Gold during an […]

Rock legend Lars Gunblade of The No Talent Ass Clowns is missing, says his band manager Jerry Gold. “No one has seen him in two weeks. The escort service that he uses daily has not heard from him. No phone calls. Nothing. He’s gone,” remarked Gold sadly. “If he’s dead, my gravy train grinds to […]

  In a shocking press conference at No, Not There! Records in Kings Nose, NJ this morning, No Talent Ass Clowns front man Lars Gunblade declared that the notorious metal band is no more. “It turns out that I blew all of the money on hookers and drugs and like a fool, I wasted the […]