Legendary singer Lars Gunblade of The No Talent Ass Clowns has opened a string of strip clubs. The chain, known as Take It Off, Bitch!, had grand openings in more than 50 cities today. Gunblade surprised the crowd at the Kings Nose, NJ location when he announced that he would have sex with every single […]

Kings Nose NJ police spent Friday night questioning Ass Clowns guitarist Vas Defrens about a dead hooker found naked in his apartment recently. Amber Anderson, 20, was dead when police arrived at Defrens’ home in the famous Warehouse district shortly after midnight nearly two weeks ago. The naked woman had no marks on her body […]

Apparently before he leaves The Daily Show, Jon Stewart decided there was one thing he absolutely had to do… tear into rock star Lars Gunblade’s latest interview posted on YouTube. In his usual smarmy manner, Stewart made fun of the No Talent Ass Clowns singer for so long that the guest for that day’s show, […]

The No Talent Ass Clowns like to talk about themselves whenever they get the opportunity. But they seldom sit down for an in-depth, on-camera interview. Luckily, a Kings Nose, NJ student filmmaker convinced front man Lars Gunblade and guitarist Vas Defrens to sit down for a few moments yesterday. As a result, one of rock’s […]

Rock Wasteland has devoted yet another issue to The No Talent Ass Clowns. In this issue, Lars has a testy interview with famed Rock Wasteland journalist, Dora Stanhope. Here are a few highlights… Rock Wasteland: Some say you’re a hopeless egomaniac who can’t sing, can’t play and can’t write. They even say you’re a perpetual liar. […]

Normally, The No Talent Ass Clowns sell out major venues like Consumption Auditorium. But on Saturday night, the bad boys of rock took the stage at a Bar Mitzvah on Long Island. “My son likes the band although personally I think they are filth,” remarked Sol O’Leary, father of Bar Mitzvah boy Christopher. “Really, they […]

No Talent Ass Clowns singer Lars Gunblade was arrested in Kings Nose NJ early this morning after kicking a photographer in the groin nearly 60 times. “I’m not ashamed of what I did. I’d do again. This is my hobby! Don’t you get it?” shouted Gunblade as police took him into the police station and […]

No Talent Ass Clowns drummer Joey Van Dundro was discovered early this morning at the New York City apartment of amateur singer Susan Alexander. He was confronted there by his wife, Emily Norton Van Dundro who held a press conference at 10am where she berated her husband and his infidelities. She also criticized his poor […]

Bad boy rock guitarist Vas Defrens of The No Talent Ass Clowns has once again caused a firestorm of controversy with a new CD hitting stores today. The CD, entitled “I’ll Be Seizin’ You,” contains two 40-minute songs in an elaborate digipak that contains dozens of explicit photos of Vas Defrens’ wife, adult film star […]

The much-anticipated Dave Grohl-Lars Gunblade Christmas CD collaboration isn’t happening, says Ass Clowns manager Jerry Gold. The two rock stars, who have long despised each other, were at Gunblade’s recording studio last week working on Christmas songs. Unfortunately, the partnership fell apart after laying down tracks for just two songs. “These guys shouldn’t be in […]