Legendary front man of The No Talent Ass Clowns, Lars Gunblade, was arrested for urinating on the entrance of the Cleveland landmark recently. “How could these a-holes not nominate The No Talent Ass Clowns? Christ, they nominated Bon Jovi! Those guys suck!” screamed Gunblade as police took him into custody. He was later released into […]

No Talent Ass Clowns’ front man, Lars Gunblade, donated his first car to Planet Hollywood in Guam this week. Gunblade explained that the car, a 1975 Trans-Am, is important for two reasons. “One, I lost my virginity in that car and two, I wrote ‘Blow Chunks Ballet‘ in it. In fact, the  stains on the […]

Legendary rock band The No Talent Ass Clowns are hurriedly recording a new CD to be entitled “We Welcome Our Stink Bug Overlords” “We wanted to be topical,” said Ass Clowns front man, Lars Gunblade. “Those little bastards are really pissing me off. This is pretty high concept for us. We usually just write about […]

After hiking concert tickets to $5,000 each, No Talent Ass Clowns concert sales are in the toilet. Front man Lars Gunblade issued a threat yesterday from the band’s tour blimp: start buying tickets or the concert tour is over. “This is bullshit,” said Gunblade. “This ain’t no charity. If you don’t want to pay for […]

In a radical move, legendary rock band The No Talent Ass Clowns are charging $5,000 for seats to their “Say Hello to My Posterior” tour, making their concerts by far the most expensive in rock concert history. Bands and fans are shocked. Organizations like Ticketmaster are refusing to comment. “I decided enough was enough,” said […]

No Talent Ass Clowns pregnancies are legendary… so much so that the band has released a chart showing just how many groupies each band member has impregnated over the years. “The chart’s totally awesome,” says the band’s bass player. “In terms of knocked-up groupies, I’m way behind Lars. Guess I got some catching up to […]

A Navy blimp flying over the Gulf of Mexico to survey oil spill damage almost collided with another blimp belonging to the rock band, The No Talent Ass Clowns. The No Talent Ass Clowns tour blimp then pulled alongside the 178-foot Navy blimp and band members challenged Coast Guard personnel aboard to a blimp race. […]

Other bands have tour buses but now legendary rock band, The No Talent Ass Clowns, have recently launched the world’s first tour blimp. With it, they plan to finish out their “Say Hello To My Posterior” tour dates for this year. “Yeah, Led Zeppelin had their stupid jet plane,” said Ass Clowns front man, Lars […]

After years of delays, No, Not There! Records announced yesterday that The No Talent Ass Clowns will finally be available on Guitar Hero. The much-anticipated release of their biggest hit, “Blow Chunks Ballet,” has Guitar Hero fans anxious to try imitating Vas Defrens’ tricky guitar solo. “You can play the song all you want but […]

The music video for Ass of Mass Destruction has been banned by every broadcast outlet in the US. Consequently sales for the Pucker Factor CD have dropped out of the top 50,000. “We’re excited, sure,” says Ass Clowns drummer, Joey Van Dundro. “But nobody has seen the f**king thing. Yeah, Pucker Factor as an album […]