No Talent Ass Clowns singer Lars Gunblade is in hot water with fans after stating at a press conference that the band’s fans are “nothing more than developmentally challenged cretins.” Flanked by two naked groupies, Gunblade was discussing the band’s tour when he went off on his fans. “Really, come on. They’re stupid. No offense […]
Archive for the ‘Latest Ass Clown Updates’ Category
Ass Clown Singer Calls Fans “Developmentally Challenged Cretins”
Posted: 22nd June 2011 by Lucky in Latest Ass Clown UpdatesComments Off on Ass Clown Singer Calls Fans “Developmentally Challenged Cretins”
“Ass Clowning” — A Rowdy Concertgoer Ritual
Posted: 8th June 2011 by Lucky in Latest Ass Clown UpdatesComments Off on “Ass Clowning” — A Rowdy Concertgoer Ritual
If you’ve ever been to a No Talent Ass Clowns concert, you’ve probably seen or heard about “ass clowning” where drunk concertgoers break into cars in the parking lot and defecate on the driver’s seat. It is rumored to have started in 1996 at Consumption Auditorium when Nick Ray Tummo first committed the act. “I […]
Comments Off on Ass Clowns Sell Out to Advertisers
We knew it had to happen. After telling advertisers for years to fornicate themselves, The No Talent Ass Clowns are now hawking “El Grande Blue” a pill for erectile dysfunction and enhancement. The Chinese makers of El Grande Blue have been in court repeatedly for fraud and manslaughter charges over the years but the band […]
BREAKING NEWS– band requires all female concertgoers to be topless
Posted: 7th April 2011 by Lucky in Latest Ass Clown UpdatesTags: blow chunks, funny, no talent ass clowns, nude concertgoers, parody, parody bands, rock bands, satire
Comments Off on BREAKING NEWS– band requires all female concertgoers to be topless
It’s official. If you’re a female and you go to a No Talent Ass Clowns show, the band requires that you attend topless. In fact, females not adhering to the new provision will be escorted off the premises, according to Ass Clowns manager, Jerry Gold. “Hey, man, this is just the first step,” said front […]
Ass Clowns Booted From Sex Addiction Clinic
Posted: 1st April 2011 by Lucky in Latest Ass Clown UpdatesTags: charlie sheen, parody, satire, sex addiction
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Notorious for their debauched lifestyle, The No Talent Ass Clowns checked into the El Grande Hornio Sex Clinic in Malibu on Monday, only to be ordered to leave two days later. “It was shocking,” remarked clinic owner Carlos O’Toole. “Within hours, they had an orgy going on with eight female patients. We frown on that. […]
Blimp Crash a Fake — Band Spotted in Amsterdam Brothel
Posted: 22nd March 2011 by Lucky in Latest Ass Clown UpdatesComments Off on Blimp Crash a Fake — Band Spotted in Amsterdam Brothel
Apparently, The No Talent Ass Clowns faked their own deaths! Several tourists reported encountering the band at a brothel in Amsterdam last week. “It was them alright, ” said Dan F. Baxler III from Port Jervis, NY. “I was on my way out after visiting a prostitute to be spanked and there they were molesting […]
No Talent Ass Clowns Die In Tragic Blimp Accident
Posted: 11th February 2011 by Lucky in Latest Ass Clown UpdatesTags: no talent ass clowns, parody, parody bands, satire, tragic blimp accident
Comments Off on No Talent Ass Clowns Die In Tragic Blimp Accident
Rescuers in Greenland have confirmed that legendary rock band The No Talent Ass Clowns died when their tour blimp crashed late Sunday night. Dazed roadie “Rando” Miller was found unharmed and he lead rescuers to a horrifying scene — a polar bear eating the remains of the band members. “I thought I was gonna hurl […]
No Talent Ass Clowns Blimp Goes Missing; Obama Urges Calm
Posted: 7th February 2011 by Lucky in Latest Ass Clown UpdatesComments Off on No Talent Ass Clowns Blimp Goes Missing; Obama Urges Calm
Shocking news — The No Talent Ass Clowns tour blimp has disappeared over the frozen wastes of Greenland. In a Monday morning emergency press conference at the White House, President Obama asked the nation to remain calm. “The No Talent Ass Clowns are a great band. Politicians from both sides of the aisle will admit […]
Rock Star’s Signature Sells For 10 Million Dollars
Posted: 19th January 2011 by Lucky in Latest Ass Clown UpdatesComments Off on Rock Star’s Signature Sells For 10 Million Dollars
A major auction house recently sold a signed photograph of The No Talent Ass Clowns’ Lars Gunblade for a record 10 million dollars. Over the years, the controversial Gunblade has been notorious for not signing autographs. Many fans have been kicked in the groin when they tried. In fact, this autograph is one of only […]
Rock Star Creates Charity – For Himself
Posted: 18th January 2011 by Lucky in Latest Ass Clown UpdatesComments Off on Rock Star Creates Charity – For Himself
No Talent Ass Clowns’ front man, Lars Gunblade, has created a charity unlike any other — it’s for himself. “I’m on top right now,” admits Gunblade. “But things could change eventually. All the booze, expensive designer drugs and dog fighting bets might eventually drain my resources. I could wind up broke!” Designated LarsAid, the new […]