Six months after destroying their first tour blimp in an elaborate joke on the pubic to make it appear the band had died, The No Talent Ass Clowns launched their second tour blimp on Saturday. “Yeah, it was a funny joke and we laughed our asses off but it wound up costing us shitloads of […]

Wikileaks has revealed in a startling new report that “Blow Chunks Ballet“, the famous drinking anthem by The No Talent Ass Clowns, was used to torture terrorist suspects at Gitmo. Several confidential reports reference the song, saying that it proved very effective at breaking particularly difficult prisoners. “After hearing ‘Blow Chunks Ballet‘ 200 times, most […]

One thing you won’t hear at a No Talent Ass Clowns concert is someone saying, “Don’t tase me, bro!” Instead, front row concertgoers will be shouting for front man Lars Gunblade to tase them–repeatedly. Gunblade often tases dozens of concertgoers. At a concert last week during Historic Dildo Days in Dildo, Newfoundland, Gunblade reportedly tased […]

Legendary rockers, The No Talent Ass Clowns, have declared bankruptcy. “We’re entitled to the protection of bankruptcy,” proclaimed band members at a champagne press reception in New York City. “Turns out being a rock star is expensive,” said front man Lars Gunblade. “Just the price of drugs alone is a budget buster. I only do […]

Legendary rock band The No Talent Ass Clowns issued a statement this morning concerning An Ass Clowns Tribute Band called Ass of Mass Destruction. It reads: “We are against Ass Clowns tribute bands. Period. End of statement. You want Ass Clowns? Then you pay to see the originals. Not some cheap copies. Ass of Mass […]

The body of Ex-No Talent Ass Clowns drummer, Vulgar Smith, was discovered yesterday with the Skull and Bones, an undergraduate senior or secret society at Yale University. Police found the drummer’s mummified body had been propped up with a pot plant in each hand in a secret meeting room located inside “The Tomb,” which is […]