It’s official. If you’re a female and you go to a No Talent Ass Clowns show, the band requires that you attend topless. In fact, females not adhering to the new provision will be escorted off the premises, according to Ass Clowns manager, Jerry Gold.

“Hey, man, this is just the first step,” said front man Lars Gunblade. “We want all chicks at concerts to be completely nude. That should be happening in a year or two. It takes a lot of bribes to government officials, let me tell you. I’ve had to do some things I’m not proud of. Some really sick things that all the booze, groupies and drugs in the world can’t wash out of my memory.”

“I want to look out into the audience and see a sea of ta-tas,” exclaimed guitarist Vas Defrens. “This is like a dream come true, man.”

Fans don’t seem to mind. “Sounds good to me,” said Tawny Chang, president of the No Talent Ass Clowns Fan Club. “These babies shouldn’t be kept under wraps.”