Ass Clowns Leave Sex Clinic in Protest

Notorious for their debauched lifestyle, The No Talent Ass Clowns checked into the El Grande Hornio Sex Clinic in Malibu on Monday, only to be ordered to leave two days later.

“It was shocking,” remarked clinic owner Carlos O’Toole. “Within hours, they had an orgy going on with eight female patients. We frown on that. Right after I enjoyed two of the ladies, I ordered them off the property.”

“We’ve been infected many times and we had every intention of cleaning up our act this time,” said guitarist Vas Defrens. “But there were so many hot chicks there that we couldn’t help ourselves.”

“Who’s kidding who?” said front man Lars Gunblade. “We can give up sex anytime we want. We just don’t want to.”

“We’re getting ready to tour in a few weeks,” said drummer Joey Van Dundro. “This helps get us ready. It’s like a scrimmage game.”

Antics like this have sent anti-Ass Clowns hate groups into a frenzy. “These people are degenerates,” proclaimed Reverend Edna K. Shrimpton, president of the God Hates Ass Clowns Hate Club. “I’m sure if they lured me into bed and took me one after another that they could give me intense pleasure in ways no man ever has. But that doesn’t mean they don’t have a problem.”

“I mean, shit, these guys make Charlie Sheen look like a Catholic priest!” remarked O’Toole. “OK, maybe that’s not the best possible comparison.”