If you’ve ever been to a No Talent Ass Clowns concert, you’ve probably seen or heard about “ass clowning” where drunk concertgoers break into cars in the parking lot and defecate on the driver’s seat. It is rumored to have started in 1996 at Consumption Auditorium when Nick Ray Tummo first committed the act.  “I was drunk and my friends all thought it was funny so I figured why not keeping doing it at shows? It gives me a kind of special spiritual connection to the concert.”

Tummo’s actions caught on. In fact, now it’s in the Urban Dictionary. Soon police dreaded the coming of an Ass Clowns concert, knowing inevitably there would be a rash of ass clowning incidents. “This is pretty sick,” said Police Chief John O’Hara. “Why would anyone do something like this? They should be beaten and tortured. From now on, I have ordered my police officers to shoot to kill if they spot anyone ass clowning at a rock concert.”

“Some a-hole ass clowned my car last year,” said Megan, 17, from New Jersey. “It was gross but I sold the car on eBay as a concert souvenir. Got pretty good money for it too! I hope someone ass clowns my car again!”

What does the band think? “I think it’s great!” says front man Lars Gunblade. “Ass clowning says a lot about our fans and it’s all good.”