# The No Talent Ass Clowns

> The No Talent Ass Clowns are a rock band from Kings Nose, NJ, founded in 1993. This is their official site: band bios, the discography, tour writeups, wallpapers, and the rags (news). Lars Gunblade sings. Vas Defrens plays lead guitar. Carnage Smith plays bass. Joey Van Dundro plays drums. The records include Behind The Times, Pucker Factor, Live at Consumption Auditorium, Say Hello to My Posterior, Ass On Demand, Express Elevator to Hell, Brain Dump, and Pinch The Loaf. Blow Chunks Ballet is the song they treat as the anthem.

## Sitemaps
- [XML Sitemap](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/sitemap_index.xml): Includes all crawlable and indexable pages.

## Posts
- [Singer Admits Killing Lead Guitarist](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/singer-admits-killing-lead-guitarist/): Singer Lars Gunblade of The No Talent Ass Clowns admitted in a press conference today that he killed lead guitarist Vas Defrens in a fit of rage on January 6th. The news came as no surprise to fans. Many had been questioning why Defrens was a no-show at numerous sex parties in Los Angeles throughout the spring.
- [Lazy Website Goes 3 Years Without New Blog](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/lazy-website-goes-3-years-without-new-blog/): The No Talent Ass Clowns website admitted in a press conference today that it hadn't updated its site since 2018. "To be honest, I don't think anyone noticed," said the webmaster, a man who goes by the name "Lucky."
- [Pushing Rope Music Video Drops – Fans Go Ape Shit!](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/pushing-rope-music-video-drops-fans-go-ape-shit/): The No Talent Ass Clowns just dropped their Pushing Rope music video... and the response has been epic.
- [Pushing Rope – New Ass Clowns Song Dropped](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/pushing-rope-new-ass-clowns-song-dropped/): Pushing rope. For some guys, it's a reality. For The No Talent Ass Clowns, it's a song.
- [Lars Gunblade and Klaus Hitler To Record Album This Year](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/lars-gunblade-klaus-hitler-record-album/): Lars Gunblade of the No Talent Ass Clowns and avant-garde German recording artist Klaus Hitler have agreed to record an album together this year. The untitled project is currently in the recording phase.
- [Fake Time Magazine Cover Scandal Hits Ass Clowns](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/fake-time-magazine-cover-scandal/): A fake Time magazine cover showing singer Lars Gunblade of The No Talent Ass Clowns rocked the credibility of the infamous band this week. Spotted by Redit contributor HanAssholeSolo, the fake Time magazine cover can be found on hundreds of websites, all of which assume the cover to be authentic.
- [Worst Wine Ever – Chateau de Twat – Purchased By Ass Clowns](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/worst-wine-ever-chateau-de-twat/): Rock band The No Talent Ass Clowns recently purchased what many call the worst wine ever made...
- [10-Second Stories Launched by Rock Star Lars Gunblade](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/10-second-stories-launched-by-rock-star/): Rock star Lars Gunblade has turned filmmaker with the first of his "10-Second Stories" on YouTube:
- [Rock Band Members Plotting to Kill Each Other in Police Video](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/band-members-plotting-to-kill-each-other/): As a leaked police undercover video shows, singer Lars Gunblade and guitarist Vas Defrens want each other dead. Band members plotting to kill each other is pretty much uncharted territory in rock and roll... until now.
- [Drunk Musician Kicks Janitor: the Shocking Story](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/drunk-musician-kicks-janitor/): Drunk musician kicks janitor... you gotta admit that it's the kind of drama No Talent Ass Clowns fans expect...
- [Rock Band Won’t Pay Taxes. Builds Fort To Keep Out Feds.](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/rock-band-wont-pay-taxes-builds-fort-to-keep-out-feds/): This rock band won't pay taxes. And they're already becoming a legend because of it...
- [Rock Documentary Bombs at Premiere](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/rock-documentary-bombs-premiere/): The No Talent Ass Clowns' self-made rock documentary bombed at its premiere recently.
- [“It Might Get Loud” Documentary Deleted No Talent Ass Clowns Footage](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/it-might-get-loud/): The rock documentary "It Might Get Loud" doesn't feature Lars Gunblade and Vas Defrens. Why? Because they got cut out of the film.
- [“Worst Album Ever” Post on YouTube Infuriates Rock Band](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/worst-album-ever/): Worst album ever? So says one YouTube poster...
- [CD of Farts Sells For 2 Million Dollars](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/cd-farts-sells-2-million-dollars/): A CD of farts has been sold for 2 million dollars to an anonymous CEO of a pharmaceutical company. Rocker Lars Gunblade of The No Talent Ass Clowns decided on a whim to release a single copy of a CD entitled "The Magic Book of Farts" consisting exclusively of farts created and recorded by Gunblade.
- [New Movie Trailer For “The First To Die” Gets Hollywood’s Attention](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/new-movie-trailer-gets-hollywoods-attention/): A new movie trailer for "The First To Die," a new action film starring rock stars Lars Gunblade and Vas Defrens got attention from Hollywood producers this week...
- [Band’s Embarrassing Drunk Interview](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/bands-embarrassing-drunk-interview/): A band's embarrassing drunk interview is the topic of conversation in the rock world. Many think that mega band The No Talent Ass Clowns just took a dump on their reputation by releasing an interview showing them completely drunk beyond belief.
- [“The First To Die” Movie Trailer Released](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/first-to-die-movie-trailer-released/): "The First To Die," the first feature film by The No Talent Ass Clowns is due for Christmas 2016 release. The first trailer for the movie released on Friday promises something, that's for sure.
- [Rock Band Sells Its Soul To The Devil, Isn’t Impressed With Satan](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/rock-band-sells-soul-devil-isnt-impressed-satan/): What happens when a rock band sells its soul to the devil but fails to be impressed with Lucifer?
- [Rock and Roll Hall of Fame: Why Can’t This Band Get In?](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/rock-roll-hall-fame-why-cant-band-get-in/): The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame appears uninterested in The No Talent Ass Clowns for some reason. This month's interview with the band in Rock Wasteland sheds more light on the story...
- [Rock The Vote 2016: No Clinton & Trump, Give U.S. Back to England](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/rock-vote-2016-no-clinton-trump-give-u-s-back-england/): Rock The Vote 2016 may look a little different this year...
- [Creative Differences in the Band as Joey and Carnage Leave](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/creative-differences-band-joey-carnage-leave/): Creative differences in the band was the subtext of the latest No Talent Ass Clowns interview. Yet for most of the interview, The No Talent Ass Clowns front man Lars Gunblade and guitarist Vas Defrens talked about how they met as six year olds in Kings Nose, NJ. It's interesting stuff, although they gave a slightly different account of how they met in a previous interview.
- [Rare Demo of Ass Clowns Song Leaked to YouTube](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/rare-demo-ass-clowns-song-leaked-youtube/): One of the only known demos of The No Talent Ass Clowns in the recording studio has surfaced recently on YouTube. Stolen last month from No, Not There! Studios in Kings Nose, NJ, the rare demo is of a new song entitled "See You." Apparently, it's a work in progress for their new CD tentatively titled "The Crying Nosferatu Brothers."
- [Band Had Sex With Their Own Manager? Big Ass Clowns Controversy](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/band-had-sex-with-their-own-manager/): In a shocking interview, it appears legendary band The No Talent Ass Clowns confront a shocking rumor: which is that the band had sex with their own manager, Jerry Gold, to get him to manage them. Singer Lars Gunblade viciously denied the rumor while guitarist Vas Defrens seemed to sheepishly admit guilt.
- [Bayonet On Guitar Used To Kill Concertgoer](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/bayonet-on-guitar-kills-concertgoer/): Guitarist Vas Defrens of The No Talent Ass Clowns recently killed a concertgoer in Boston with the bayonet that he has custom-fitted onto his Les Paul guitar. After Ass Clowns manager Jerry Gold met with Boston police, all charges were dropped immediately.
- [Ass Clowns Live on the Doug Fredericks Show](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/ass-clowns-live-doug-fredericks-show/): The No Talent Ass Clowns performed their new song "I Finished, Now Get Out!" on The Doug Fredericks Show recently. It was an amazing performance, given that the band seldom allows fans into their concert arenas anymore.
- [“Words of Wisdom” Music Video Divides Fans](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/words-of-wisdom-music-video-divides-fans/): The new music video for "Words of Wisdom" is angering fans of the legendary rockers The No Talent Ass Clowns. Straying completely from their hard rock roots, "Words of Wisdom" is pure electro-pop, which is something many fans don't want from the infamous band.
- [Band Will Only Release One CD From Now On](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/band-will-only-release-one-cd-from-now-on/): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGjV68kcq6M
- [“Ass On Demand” Music Video Stirs Controversy](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/ass-on-demand-music-video-stirs-controversy/): "Ass On Demand" by The No Talent Ass Clowns has a simple message that isn't sitting well with some female fans. Like the "On Demand" button on your remote, the band finds that they have an "Ass On Demand" button on tour. And it gets pressed a lot.
- [Band Plays To Empty Theaters… On Purpose](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/band-plays-to-empty-theaters-on-purpose/): Legendary rock band The No Talent Ass Clowns have taken concerts to a whole new level: the band plays to completely empty theaters. And the weird thing is that it's 100% intentional.
- [Pinch The Loaf Music Video Posted](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/pinch-the-loaf-music-video/): http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/90c78493c1/pinch-the-loaf-music-video-by-the-no-talent-ass-clowns?_cc=__d___&_ccid=3d399b1ebbd73cde
- [“Pinch The Loaf” Fan Video Hits the Mark](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/pinch-the-loaf-fan-video-hits-the-mark/): A new fan video for The No Talent Ass Clowns' hit song "Pinch the Loaf" is out and we're impressed. Typically, fans post videos about how much they hate the Ass Clowns that are filled with death threats so this was a pleasant change of pace. Tawny Wilcox, 20, submitted the video to the band last week and front man Lars Gunblade was immediately impressed.
- [VIDEO: Words of Wisdom #6](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/video-words-of-wisdom-6/): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yexAp5s_ZK4
- [VIDEO: Concert at Red Rocks Concert Wasn’t as Good as U2](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/video-concert-at-red-rocks-wasnt-as-good-as-u2/): Red Rocks looks large in rock history. But not for one band. Legendary rockers The No Talent Ass Clowns are mad that their experience at Red Rocks Amphitheater was "shit" compared to U2's famous 1983 concert at the same venue.
- [VIDEO: Fans Must Pay For Fan Membership Card](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/video-fans-must-pay-for-fan-membership-card/): The No Talent Ass Clowns have once again stated their requirement that fans must pay an annual fee for a fan membership card to be their fans. The lordly sum of $200 is now required by the band in order for fans to be able to call themselves fans. Two years ago, the price was $500 but the band is now giving a discount until 2017.
- [“Pinch The Loaf” CD To Be Released Tuesday](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/new-cd-pinch-the-loaf-hits-the-street-tuesday/): It's been quite awhile since we've seen a new No Talent Ass Clowns CD. The arrival of "Pinch the Loaf" on Tuesday puts the legendary band back on the charts. Although back on the charts will be difficult since Amazon has banned their CDs and numerous retail outlets won't carry their music either.
- [Downgrading Your Custom Gibson Les Paul Guitar](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/downgrading-your-custom-gibson-les-paul-guitar/): Singer Lars Gunblade of The No Talent Ass Clowns got tired of having his custom Gibson Les Paul guitar stolen on tour. "Some guitarists take cheaper guitars and make them look like a Gibson," said Gunblade. "I wanted to take the opposite approach because I figure I'm way smarter than they are. You can find a thousand webpages telling you how to make a Les Paul knock-off look like a genuine Gibson but there isn't one website telling you how to do the reverse. We were in real uncharted territory with this project."
- [VIDEO: Why Band Releases Their Music In Mono](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/video-why-band-releases-their-music-in-mono/): Mega-group The No Talent Ass Clowns are big on their music in mono, reversing a 60-year trend in music favoring stereo mixing. "It's bullshit," says Ass Clowns front man Lars Gunblade. "We want our music to be simple. That's what you should always remember about us, we're simple."
- [“I’m a total rock legend,” rock star Lars Gunblade tells Rock Wasteland magazine](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/im-a-total-rock-legend-rock-star-lars-gunblade-tells-rock-wasteland-magazine/): (reprinted with permission from Rock Wasteland magazine)
- [VIDEO: Ass Clowns Words of Wisdom #5](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/video-ass-clowns-words-of-wisdom-5/): Kurt Cobain, giving the finger and staging the ultimate rock concert on Mars are subjects of this latest interview with The No Talent Ass Clowns. The interview, directed by porn star Trixie Beaumont, is the latest installment of their "Words of Wisdom" series.
- [VIDEO: Ass Clowns Outdo U2 Concert Prices](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/video-ass-clowns-outdo-u2-concert-ticket-prices/): Legendary band The No Talent Ass Clowns recently explained why they charge six times more for concert tickets than U2 does. "Why? Because we can," said singer Lars Gunblade. Gunblade seems to have a few issues with U2 singer Bono. "I've always had a problem with U2. I saw U2 at their famous Red Rocks concert in '83. It was raining like a mofo all night. I got phenomena from that concert and Bono didn't. That has always pissed me off."
- [VIDEO: The No Talent Ass Clowns in the Recording Studio](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/video-the-no-talent-ass-clowns-in-the-recording-studio/): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkmGd8IxX6c
- [VIDEO: The Ass Clowns’ Humble Beginnings in Kings Nose NJ](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/video-the-ass-clowns-humble-beginnings-in-kings-nose-nj/): Mega band The No Talent Ass Clowns recently discussed their childhood in Kings Nose NJ in a new interview released over the weekend. Singer Lars Gunblade and guitarist Vas Defrens revealed childhood robberies at a candy store and a general dislike for the town and its mayor.
- [VIDEO: Band Wants All Female Concertgoers to be Topless](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/video-band-wants-all-female-concertgoers-to-be-topless/): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9scWCZeV1Y
- [No Talent Ass Clowns: Words of Wisdom #4](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/no-talent-ass-clowns-words-of-wisdom-4/): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q31lKYPdIfI
- [Vas Defrens: My Wedding with Porn Star Trixie Beaumont](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/vas-defrens-my-wedding-with-porn-star-trixie-beaumont/): A new interview sheds light on what happened at guitarist Vas Defrens' wedding with international porn star Trixie Beaumont. The elaborate wedding, which took place at stately Rectal Hall, the pleasure palace built by Defrens in the foothills of the headlands of Montana.
- [The No Talent Ass Clowns: “Don’t Look at Me”](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/the-no-talent-ass-clowns-dont-look-at-me/): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W6kYqWeJ0xg
- [No Talent Ass Clowns: More Words of Wisdom](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/no-talent-ass-clowns-more-words-of-wisdom/): The No Talent Ass Clowns deliver more thought-provoking comments in their latest interview, which was directed by porn star Trixie Beaumont. There can be no doubt that singer Lars Gunblade and guitarist Vas Defrens are some seriously deep thinkers.
- [More Ass Clowns Words of Wisdom](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/more-ass-clowns-words-of-wisdom/): The No Talent Ass Clowns have released the second installment of their "Words of Wisdom" videos. "These are some of our best moments," said front man Lars Gunblade. "Since the No Talent Ass Clowns are music gurus, we gave out a lot of good information. Consider these videos to be a value add for the fans."
- [No Talent Ass Clowns: Words of Wisdom](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/no-talent-ass-clowns-words-of-wisdom/): Very little video of The No Talent Ass Clowns in concert is available so it's worth noting that a recent Ass Clowns short video includes concert footage of the band performing its signature tune Blow Chunks Ballet.
- [“We want Ass Clowns fans to be violent,” says band](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/we-want-ass-clowns-fans-to-be-violent-says-band/): Front man Lars Gunblade and guitarist Vas Defrens boldly encouraged Ass Clowns fans to be violent during concerts in their latest interview. "Yeah, we did. Why not?" asked Gunblade after the interview as he made out with two groupies. "Ass Clowns fans are pretty stupid actually. Real easy to manipulate. Seriously, we pull the strings here!"
- [Lars Gunblade Furious About Interviews on Funny or Die](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/lars-gunblade-furious-about-interviews-on-funny-or-die/): "Some m*****fucker is using my name to post our interviews on Funny or Die," shouted No Talent Ass Clowns front man Lars Gunblade to a group of reporters gathered in the grand dining room of the band's tour blimp this morning.
- [Ass Clowns Worried That People Think They’re a Fake Band](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/ass-clowns-worried-that-people-think-theyre-a-fake-band/): In a new interview, rock band The No Talent Ass Clowns expressed their anger that some people didn't believe the band was real. Front man Lars Gunblade and guitarist Vas Defrens talked about the fans, their favorite venue Consumption Auditorium and finished up by talking about how some believe they're a fake band.
- [Lars Gunblade Admits Running Over Man in Latest Interview](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/lars-gunblade-admits-running-over-man-in-latest-interview/): Front man Lars Gunblade and guitarist Vas Defrens of The No Talent Ass Clowns were in top form recently when they sat down for interviews for director and band manager Jerry Gold. The two appeared to be more or less sober, which is not typical for either musician.
- [Lars Gunblade Charity, LarsAid, Under Fire From IRS](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/lars-gunblade-charity-larsaid-under-fire-from-irs/): For years, LarsAid has been on the IRS's watch list of highly questionable charities. The fund, set up to benefit No Talent Ass Clowns frontman Lars Gunblade, has long been suspected of being bogus.
- [The No Talents Ass Clowns in “The First to Die” Feature Film](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/the-no-talents-ass-clowns-in-the-first-to-die-feature-film/): With rumors swirling in the Hollywood trade papers about a No Talent Ass Clowns movie, front man Lars Gunblade confirmed the band would appear in a movie to be released this Christmas. Entitled The First to Die, the cop thriller stars Gunblade and guitarist Vas Defrens and the rest of the band in smaller roles.
- [Interview With Lars Gunblade & Vas Defrens: Surprising New Revelations](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/interview-with-lars-gunblade-vas-defrens-surprising-new-revelations/): The latest interview with Lars Gunblade and Vas Defrens revealed some rare insights into the world's greatest band. The No Talent Ass Clowns singer and guitarist let it all hang out in this new interview directed by their manager Jerry Gold.
- [Lars Gunblade at Nouveau Merde Fashion Show](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/lars-gunblade-at-nouveau-merde-fashion-show/): No Talent Ass Clowns front man Lars Gunblade attended the annual Nouveau Merde fashion show last night in Los Angeles with two dates in tow. Gunblade, who appeared to be greatly under the influence, annoyed many of the attendees by singing several Ass Clowns songs in an odd falsetto and yelling to the Nouveau Merde models on the catwalk to "take it off."
- [Lars Gunblade’s Strip Clubs Shut Down Permanently](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/lars-gunblades-strip-shut-down-permanently/): Singer Lars Gunblade of The No Talent Ass Clowns has some problems. His infamous strip clubs, Take It Off, Bitch!, have been shut down by police after having only been open for two days. The FBI issued a report saying the franchise locations were being used as houses of prostitution and as a clearing house for No Talent Ass Clowns CDs, concert tickets and T-shirts.
- [Vas Defrens Arrested at Strip Club](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/vas-defrens-arrested-at-strip-club/): Just one day after band mate Lars Gunblade opened the "Take It Off, Bitch!" Strip Club in Kings Nose, NJ, guitarist Vas Defrens and stripper "Taffy Pull" were arrested on a charge on public fornication at 7:30 this evening.
- [Lars Gunblade Opens Strip Club Chain](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/lars-gunblade-opens-strip-club-chain/): Legendary singer Lars Gunblade of The No Talent Ass Clowns has opened a string of strip clubs. The chain, known as Take It Off, Bitch!, had grand openings in more than 50 cities today. Gunblade surprised the crowd at the Kings Nose, NJ location when he announced that he would have sex with every single stripper in the franchise.
- [Police Question Guitarist Vas Defrens About Dead Hooker](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/police-question-guitarist-vas-defrens-about-dead-hooker/): Kings Nose NJ police spent Friday night questioning Ass Clowns guitarist Vas Defrens about a dead hooker found naked in his apartment recently. Amber Anderson, 20, was dead when police arrived at Defrens' home in the famous Warehouse district shortly after midnight nearly two weeks ago. The naked woman had no marks on her body but the name "Vas" had been carved into her firm buttocks with an Exacto knife.
- [Jon Stewart Ridicules Rock Legend Lars Gunblade](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/jon-stewart-ridicules-rock-legend-lars-gunblade/): Apparently before he leaves The Daily Show, Jon Stewart decided there was one thing he absolutely had to do... tear into rock star Lars Gunblade's latest interview posted on YouTube. In his usual smarmy manner, Stewart made fun of the No Talent Ass Clowns singer for so long that the guest for that day's show, Vice President Joe Biden, had to be rescheduled.
- [Lars Gunblade &  Vas Vefrens Give Rare On-Camera Interview](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/lars-gunblade-vas-vefrens-give-rare-on-camera-interview/): The No Talent Ass Clowns like to talk about themselves whenever they get the opportunity. But they seldom sit down for an in-depth, on-camera interview. Luckily, a Kings Nose, NJ student filmmaker convinced front man Lars Gunblade and guitarist Vas Defrens to sit down for a few moments yesterday. As a result, one of rock's greatest interviews took place.
- [Lars Gunblade Explodes in Rock Wasteland Interview](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/lars-gunblade-explodes-in-rock-wasteland-interview/): Rock Wasteland has devoted yet another issue to The No Talent Ass Clowns. In this issue, Lars has a testy interview with famed Rock Wasteland journalist, Dora Stanhope. Here are a few highlights...
- [No Talent Ass Clowns Rock Long Island Bar Mitzvah](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/no-talent-ass-clowns-rock-long-island-bar-mitzvah/): Normally, The No Talent Ass Clowns sell out major venues like Consumption Auditorium. But on Saturday night, the bad boys of rock took the stage at a Bar Mitzvah on Long Island.
- [Singer Lars Gunblade Arrested For Beating Photographer](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/singer-lars-gunblade-arrested-for-beating-photographer/): No Talent Ass Clowns singer Lars Gunblade was arrested in Kings Nose NJ early this morning after kicking a photographer in the groin nearly 60 times. "I'm not ashamed of what I did. I'd do again. This is my hobby! Don't you get it?" shouted Gunblade as police took him into the police station and a crowd of groupies and admirers looked on.
- [Drummer Joey Van Dundro Found in Love Nest with “Singer”](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/drummer-joey-van-dundro-found-love-nest-singer/): No Talent Ass Clowns drummer Joey Van Dundro was discovered early this morning at the New York City apartment of amateur singer Susan Alexander. He was confronted there by his wife, Emily Norton Van Dundro who held a press conference at 10am where she berated her husband and his infidelities. She also criticized his poor drumming abilities, especially on "Pucker Factor," which Mrs. Van Dundro described as "phoned in."
- [New Vas Defrens CD Sparks Outrage](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/new-vas-defrens-cd-sparks-outrage/): Bad boy rock guitarist Vas Defrens of The No Talent Ass Clowns has once again caused a firestorm of controversy with a new CD hitting stores today.
- [Dave Grohl, Lars Gunblade Christmas CD Scrapped](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/dave-grohl-lars-gunblade-christmas-cd-scrapped/): The much-anticipated Dave Grohl-Lars Gunblade Christmas CD collaboration isn't happening, says Ass Clowns manager Jerry Gold. The two rock stars, who have long despised each other, were at Gunblade's recording studio last week working on Christmas songs. Unfortunately, the partnership fell apart after laying down tracks for just two songs.
- [Crazed Fan Buford Picklefeather Found Dead in Prison Cell](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/crazed-fan-buford-picklefeather-found-dead-prison-cell/): Buford Picklefeather of Perth Amboy, NJ was found dead in his prison cell early Sunday morning. Picklefeather, who was awaiting trial for kidnapping world famous rock band The No Talent Ass Clowns, was discovered with multiple blunt force trauma injuries to his face and neck.
- [Ass Clowns found alive in Buford Picklefeather’s Secret Lair](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/ass-clowns-found-alive-in-buford-picklefeathers-secret-lair/): Bad boy rock band The No Talent Ass Clowns were discovered alive 50 feet below ground in a secret lair near Kings Nose, NJ. The S&M themed prison was built by crazed fan Buford Picklefeather of Perth Amboy, NJ. The band has been missing for months, which prompted many to believe (and hope) they were dead. When all seemed hopeless, a last-minute confession by Picklefeather alerted authorities to the location of the underground prison and the band was freed earlier today.
- [Ass Clowns Website To Shut Down](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/ass-clowns-website-shut/): In an alarming announcement made this morning, webmaster Ricky Yelnats informed reporters from Rock Wasteland magazine that the No Talent Ass Clowns Official Worship Site will shut down shortly.
- [Ass Clowns Fan Buford Picklefeather Held for Band’s Murder](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/ass-clowns-fan-buford-picklefeather-held-bands-murder/): Long-time fan Buford Picklefeather of Perth Amboy, NJ is being held by Kings Nose, NJ police on suspicion of murdering The No Talent Ass Clowns. The unemployed Renaissance Fair juggler was taken into custody last night as he attended the annual Kings Nose Gay Shame Parade in the city's famous Warehouse District.
- [Ass Clowns Drummer Missing. Obama Urges Calm.](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/ass-clowns-drummer-missing-obama-urges-calm/): No Talent Ass Clowns drummer Joey Van Dundro has vanished, which means the entire band is now missing! In a press conference this morning in front of a giant mural of the band, President Obama urged fans to remain calm and carry on.
- [Carnage Smith Vanishes; “WTF!” say Fans](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/carnage-smith-vanishes-wtf-say-ass-clowns-fans/): Ass Clowns Bass Player Carnage Smith has gone missing, which means there is only one member of The No Talent Ass Clowns accounted for. Late Thursday night, Smith visited Madame Ovary's Pleasure Palace, a seedy massage parlor in the famous warehouse district of Kings Nose, NJ. He apparently paid for his appointment and left. When he didn't show up to purchase drugs at a crack house several blocks away, friends became concerned.
- [Final Lars Gunblade Interview for Rock Wasteland?](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/final-lars-gunblade-interview-rock-wasteland/): Rock Wasteland's September issue features what may be Lars Gunblade's final interview. The legendary singer of The No Talent Ass Clowns has been missing since July. The special Ass Clowns issue, selling for $30, contains some interesting comments from the bad boy of rock:
- [Ass Clowns Guitarist Vas Defrens Disappears](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/ass-clowns-guitarist-vas-defrens-disappears/): Less than a week after the disappearance of front man Lars Gunblade, No Talent Ass Clowns guitarist Vas Defrens has also been declared missing. No one has seen the bad boy guitarist since Monday when he was spotted leaving a 5-star brothel in Bangkok, Thailand.
- [Lars Gunblade Missing](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/lars-gunblade-missing/): Rock legend Lars Gunblade of The No Talent Ass Clowns is missing, says his band manager Jerry Gold. "No one has seen him in two weeks. The escort service that he uses daily has not heard from him. No phone calls. Nothing. He's gone," remarked Gold sadly. "If he's dead, my gravy train grinds to a halt. I certainly hope that Lars is not so selfish that he doesn't think about me before doing something drastic."
- [No Talent Ass Clowns Declare Bankruptcy & Break Up Big](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/ass-clowns-declare-bankruptcy-break-big/): In a shocking press conference at No, Not There! Records in Kings Nose, NJ this morning, No Talent Ass Clowns front man Lars Gunblade declared that the notorious metal band is no more.
- [Vas Defrens Declares Ass Clowns To Be Fake Band](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/vas-declares-ass-clowns-fake-band/): "We're a fake band and always have been!" declared guitarist Vas Defrens of The No Talent Ass Clowns during a press conference last week.
- [Ass Clown Guitarist Vas Defrens Weds Porn Star Trixie Beaumont](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/ass-clown-guitarist-vas-defrens-weds-porn-star-trixie-beaumont/): Controversial No Talent Ass Clowns guitarist Vas Defrens married porn star Trixie Beaumont at the musician's "Rectal Hall" estate in Montana on Saturday. The two have been an item for several years so the super-secret wedding didn't come as a surprise to fans.
- [Band to Produce Film Version of “The Catcher in the Rye”](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/band-to-produce-film-version-of-the-catcher-in-the-rye/): J.D. Salinger made certain no one would ever make a film of his book "The Catcher in the Rye"... or so he thought.
- [Band’s Plan to Perform Naked in Polar Vortex Suffers Epic Fail](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/bands-plan-to-perform-naked-in-polar-vortex-suffers-epic-fail/): The No Talent Ass Clowns plans to play an impromptu outdoor concert last night in Gooseberry Mound Park in Fargo, North Dakota while completely naked failed miserably. Six minutes after hitting the stage in the raw during a historic "polar vortex" that plunged temperatures to -30, band members staggered back to their dressing rooms where they were rushed to an area hospital.
- [Lars Gunblade to Fans: “Don’t Look at Me”](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/lars-gunblade-to-fans-dont-look-at-me/): Infamous No Talent Ass Clowns singer Lars Gunblade has one thing to say to his legions of fans... don't look at him.
- [Ass Clowns Rock Out With Local New Mexico Band “TwaughtHammer”](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/ass-clowns-rock-out-with-local-new-mexico-band-twaughthammer/): World famous rockers The No Talent Ass Clowns recently took some time out of their busy touring schedule to hang out with TwaüghtHammër, a local Albuquerque, New Mexico metal band. Between playing Rage and a lengthy meth bender, the two bands forged common ground.
- [Ass Clowns To Release World’s Most Compressed CD](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/ass-clowns-to-release-worlds-most-compressed-cd/): Rock bad boys The No Talent Ass Clowns will soon release a compressed CD that will destroy most sound systems it's played on. Entitled Brain Dump, the new album creates a sound so distorted by compression that it will shatter most speakers currently available. "I really felt the tracks needed more compression," said producer Bruce Dickinson. I told the band that I had a fever and the only prescription was more compression."
- [A Tour of Vas Defrens’ Infamous Estate: Rectal Hall](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/a-tour-of-vas-defrens-infamous-estate-rectal-hall/): No Talent Ass Clowns guitarist Vas Defrens has never allowed anyone to visit his Rectal Hall estate in northern Montana... until now. The No Talent Ass Clowns Worship Site was given exclusive access to Rectal Hall last week, making us the only media outlet ever to go inside Defrens' home.
- [Carlos Danger: a Major Ass Clowns Fan?](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/was-carlos-danger-a-major-ass-clowns-fan/): In the aftermath of discovering that disgraced politician Anthony Weiner sexted under the name "Carlos Danger," we at the Ass Clowns Worship Site noticed something peculiar... a certain "Carlos Danger" commented on a number of Ass Clown blogs starting in 2010 and his posts stopped the minute this story broke. Could it be that Weiner was a fan of The No Talent Ass Clowns? Makes sense if you think about it. Looking at his various posts, we discovered that many were sexual in nature. No big surprise, certainly.
- [Vas Defrens to Spend More Time With His Ass Collection](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/vas-defrens-to-spend-more-time-with-his-ass-collection/): Vas Defrens, bad-boy guitarist of The No Talent Ass Clowns, says he's OK with the band's plan to split. In an interview with Rock Wasteland Magazine, Defrens says he plans to spend more time working on his Ass Collection at his "Rectal Hall" estate in Montana.
- [Ass Clowns to Break Up? Gunblade Says Maybe!](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/ass-clowns-to-break-up-gunblade-says-maybe/): The No Talent Ass Clowns, a band famous for threatening to break up, may be parting ways for real according to front man Lars Gunblade. In a hastily called press conference aboard the band's famous tour blimp, An impaired Gunblade struggled to remain upright to address reporters.
- [Lars Gunblade Announces Fornicators Reunion Concert](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/lars-gunblade-announces-fornicators-reunion-concert/): Factory-Sealed Fornicators, a no-hit wonder band of 1991, bit the dust in 1992. Two members of the band went on to lengthy prison terms for prostitution and racketeering (they were released in 2011). Two, Lars Gunblade and Vas Defrens, went on to form The No Talent Ass Clowns. And now, despite no demands for it, the Fornicators are launching a reunion concert to be held at Consumption Auditorium in the fall.
- [Ass Clowns Demand That Their Fans Pay To Be Fans](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/ass-clowns-demand-that-their-fans-pay-to-be-fans/): In a surprising new development, controversial rockers The No Talent Ass Clowns are demanding that fans pay a yearly fee to be fans.
- [Ass Clowns Commenter Kills Other Commenter](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/ass-clowns-commenter-kills-other-commenter/): In a shocking turn of events, a popular commenter at The No Talent Ass Clowns Worship Site has killed another commenter after the two exchanged hateful remarks earlier this week.
- [Sarah Palin Once Dated Ass Clowns’ Guitarist](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/sarah-palin-once-dated-ass-clowns-guitarist/): Days after Sarah Palin referred to White House Correspondents on Twitter as "assclowns," No Talent Ass Clowns guitarist Vas Defrens admitted that he once dated the former half-governor of Alaska.
- [Band Tricked Into Buying Fictional “Xanadu” Mansion](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/band-tricked-into-buying-fictional-xanadu-mansion/): Legendary rockers The No Talent Ass Clowns are 40 million dollars poorer after being tricked into buying the fictional Xanadu mansion from the film Citizen Kane.
- [Ass Clowns Drummer Admits to “Ass Clowning”](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/ass-clowns-drummer-admits-to-ass-clowning/): In a surprising revelation, No Talent Ass Clowns drummer Joey Van Dundro admitted that he "ass clowns" cars all the time.
- [Lars Gunblade Introduces New Cologne](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/lars-gunblade-introduces-new-cologne/): Celebrity cologne. You can't throw a rock without hitting a celebrity with one these days. And No Talent Ass Clowns front man Lars Gunblade wasn't about to miss out on this phenomenon.
- [Shocking New Ass Clowns Stage Set Unveiled](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/shocking-new-ass-clowns-stage-set-unveiled/): Close on the heels of a show where female audience members were required to be totally naked, a new stage set for The No Talent Ass Clowns is turning heads... and stomachs.
- [Guitarist Vas Defrens: “I hate our fans.”](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/guitarist-vas-defrens-i-hate-our-fans/): Bad boy guitarist Vas Defrens of The No Talent Ass Clowns recently let fans know where they stand... in the toilet.
- [Nude Female Concertgoers Only at Latest Ass Clown Concert](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/nude-female-concertgoers-only-at-latest-ass-clown-concert/): Two years ago, The No Talent Ass Clowns had their first concert where all female concertgoers were requested to be topless. Last night, the legendary bad boys of rock went all the way and demanded all female attendees be completely naked during their Consumption Auditorium show. Despite protests in front of the venue, the response from women at the show was largely positive.
- [Vas Defrens Closes The Ass House](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/vas-defrens-closes-the-ass-house/): Legendary guitarist Vas Defrens of The No Talent Ass Clowns released a statement this morning saying that he has closed his infamous Ass House restaurant in New York.
- [Band claims: “We all dated Lennay Kekua”](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/band-claims-we-all-dated-lennay-kekua/): Just when you thought a story couldn't get weirder. Now adding to the controversy surrounding Notre Dame linebacker Manti Te'o and his imaginary girlfriend, Lennay Kekua, is the legendary bad boys of rock, The No Talent Ass Clowns. In a press conference this morning, the rockers claim that they all dated Lennay Kekua.
- [Is Rock Wasteland Magazine Trashing Lars Gunblade?](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/is-rock-wasteland-magazine-trashing-lars-gunblade/): Rock Wasteland's January 2013 issue is not going to be one of Lars Gunblade's favorites. The No Talent Ass Clowns front man is the subject of the feature article and it's not pretty.
- [Ass Clowns to Outsource For Concert Appearances](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/ass-clowns-to-outsource-for-concert-appearances/): Legendary rock band The No Talent Ass Clowns announced this morning that they have hired alternate musicians to portray the band for many concert appearances in 2013. The band declined to name the four Latino musicians who will play at least 70% of the band's concerts around the world.
- [Band Spends Day Doing Nothing](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/band-spends-day-doing-nothing/): Stop the presses. Legendary rockers The No Talent Ass Clowns did nothing yesterday. They didn't play a concert, they didn't have a recording session, they didn't write any songs, they didn't get drunk or high, they didn't even hold one of their famous marathon sex parties. They did nothing.
- [Lars Gunblade Forced Foo Fighters Hiatus](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/lars-gunblade-forced-foo-fighters-hiatus/): With today's news of rock band The Foo Fighters taking a hiatus, controversial singer Lars Gunblade of The No Talent Ass Clowns says he's behind it all.
- [Ass Clowns Take Touring Spacecraft To Mars To Harass Curiosity Rover](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/ass-clowns-take-touring-spacecraft-to-mars-to-harass-curiosity-rover/): In a move that shocked NASA scientists, rock band The No Talent Ass Clowns have flown a spacecraft to Mars for no other purpose than to harass the Curiosity Rover on the surface.
- [Band To Launch First Sub-Orbital Touring Plane](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/band-to-launch-first-sub-orbital-touring-plane/): Legendary rock band The No Talent Ass Clowns will be the first band in history to tour in a sub-orbital plane.
- [Band To Play Benefit For Benedict Arnold Memorial](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/band-to-play-benefit-for-benedict-arnold-memorial/): Legendary rockers The No Talent Ass Clowns announced this morning that they will headline a Benefit Concert for the building of the Benedict Arnold Memorial Statue in Arnold's hometown of Norwich, Connecticut. Benedict Arnold, who famously switched sides to join the British during the American Revolution, is generally ranked as one of America's greatest villains.
- [Ass Clowns Release New Single Exclusively on Edison Cylinder](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/ass-clowns-release-new-single-exclusively-on-edison-cylinder/): Ever the innovators, controversial rockers The No Talent Ass Clowns have released their new single on an Edison cylinder... a format dead since the late 1910's.
- [“Centralia concert will happen!” says band](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/centralia-concert-will-happen-says-band/): Controversial rockers The No Talent Ass Clowns announced this morning that their aborted free concert in Centralia, PA will happen in the next few months.
- [Ass Clowns’ Manager & Roadie Found. Free Centralia Concert Cancelled.](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/ass-clowns-manager-roadie-found-free-centralia-concert-cancelled/): A shaken Jerry Gold addressed reporters this morning shortly after being found wandering naked on a PA back road with Ass Clowns' roadie "Rando" Miller. He seemed dazed and struggled to find words.
- [Ass Clowns’ tour van found empty outside Centralia–roadie, manager missing](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/ass-clowns-tour-van-found-empty-outside-centralia-roadie-manager-missing/): A tour van that had traveled to Centralia, PA over the weekend to prepare for a free No Talent Ass Clowns concert on August 11 was found empty about 80 miles from the deserted town famous for its underground coal fire. A search has provided no clues to the whereabouts of the occupants of the tour van.
- [Virgins Selected For Sacrifice at Centralia PA Concert](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/virgins-selected-for-sacrifice-at-centralia-pa-concert/): Legendary rockers The No Talent Ass Clowns announced the five girls who will be sacrificed as virgins at the conclusion of their controversial free concert in Centralia, PA on August 11.  Chosen from dozens of applicants, the girls are scheduled to be consumed in flames while the band performs their new song, Burn You To A Crisp from their latest CD Express Elevator To Hell.
- [Ass Clowns Release New CD Amid Centralia Concert Controversy](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/ass-clowns-release-new-cd-amid-centralia-concert-controversy/): With their controversial concert in Centralia, PA fast approaching, The No Talent Ass Clowns have released their newest CD entitled Express Elevator To Hell. According to industry insiders, the band is especially excited by their latest CD and believe this may the CD that finally breaks into the top 10,000 on the charts.
- [Controversial Centralia PA Concert May Draw 200](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/controversial-centralia-pa-concert-may-draw-200000/): Legendary rockers The No Talent Ass Clowns say their free concert in the abandoned town of Centralia, PA on August 11 where they will sacrifice five virgins onstage could draw 200 concertgoers. "Hell, yeah!" said drummer Joey Van Dundro, "With social media, word about this free concert has spread like wildfire. The whole virgin sacrifice thing has people really interested. This could be bigger than the original Woodstock."
- [Centralia, PA: Free Concert With Virgin Sacrifices](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/ass-clowns-announce-centralia-pa-concert-with-virgin-sacrifices/): In a press conference aboard their tour blimp, controversial rockers The No Talent Ass Clowns announced they will perform a free concert in Centralia, PA on Saturday, August 11 where they will sacrifice five nude virgins onstage. The band will take the stage at noon and sacrifice the girls during the final song, which is rumored to be "Burn You To A Crisp" off their upcoming album "A Little Ass Music."
- [Band to Sacrifice Virgins During Upcoming Concert](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/band-to-sacrifice-virgins-during-upcoming-concert/): Legendary band The No Talent Ass Clowns have something new for an upcoming concert--they plan to sacrifice five virgins live.
- [Bass Player Carnage Smith Popular With Ass Clown Fans](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/new-bass-player-carnage-smith-winning-over-ass-clown-fans/): "He's f-ing nuts," says front man Lars Gunblade. "The other day, he got completely drunk and belligerent during a weekend session, belittled the rest of the band, took a dump on Joey's drum kit and walked out when he realized we'd run out of pot. That's the spirit of rock and roll, baby!"
- [Lars Gunblade’s Car Explodes. Rock Star Slightly Injured.](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/lars-gunblades-car-explodes-rock-star-slightly-injured/): Early this morning, No Talent Ass Clowns front man Lars Gunblade narrowly escaped death when his car exploded near Kings Nose, NJ. Reporters at the scene found a dazed Gunblade declaring that ex-Beatle Paul McCartney had to be responsible. Gunblade recently published a book linking the firing of ex-Beatles drummer Pete Best with the "Paul is Dead" conspiracy.
- [Pete Best Conspiracy Theory Explained. Tarnishes Beatles Image!](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/lars-gunblade-releases-shocking-new-beatles-conspiracy-book/): No Talent Ass Clowns' front man Lars Gunblade has just released a controversial new book entitled: "The Beatles: Conspiracy Against Pete Best." The shocking book details the famous band's attempt to rid itself of its original drummer, Pete Best, who was fired and thrown out like yesterday's trash just before the band began to reach enormous fame in Great Britain in 1962.
- [Ass Clowns’ CD Contains Clues to Ex-Drummer’s Murder](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/ass-clowns-cd-contains-clues-to-ex-drummers-death/): Daniel D. Tompkins of the DOJ took the CD and enhanced several barely audible conversations between songs and was startled to find references to murdering Smith, who died in 2010 under mysterious circumstances. Gunblade was suspected by many but never charged.
- [The No Talent Ass Clowns Want to Play Your Town!](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/the-no-talent-ass-clowns-want-to-play-your-town/): It's a fairly typical story. A rabid No Talent Ass Clowns fan in Haney, Canada logged onto the Ass Clowns website on April 6 and spent 31 minutes reading page after page of content about the legendary band and its exploits. What's not so typical is that just a month later, the Ass Clowns played to a sell-out crowd at the city's Nudist Days Festival in Pitt Meadows Athletic Park. It's all part of the band's tour strategy.
- [“Ted Nugent Is Gay!” Says Band](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/ted-nugent-is-gay-says-band/): In a startling statement, legendary rockers The No Talent Ass Clowns told reporters this morning that controversial rocker Ted Nugent is gay.
- [Ass Clowns’ Drummer Joey Van Dundro Arrested](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/ass-clowns-drummer-joey-van-dundro-arrested/): No Talent Ass Clowns drummer Joey Van Dundro was arrested yesterday, which means each member of the band has been incarcerated within one month. "That must be some kind of record," exclaimed Police Chief Daniel Baxter of Kings Nose, NJ as he struck Van Dundro repeatedly in the groin during interrogation. After more than two dozen baton hits to the drummer's testicles, Van Dundro was released.
- [Ass Clowns’ Guitarist Vas Defrens Arrested](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/ass-clowns-guitarist-vas-defrens-arrested/): For the first time in the band's history, three of the four members of the legendary No Talent Ass Clowns have been arrested within the space of one month. Last night, Ass Clowns guitarist Vas Defrens was arrested in Kings Nose, NJ after an altercation with a police officer. He joins the ranks of recent felons, front man Lars Gunblade and the band's bassist.
- [Ass Clowns Bassist Carnage Smith Arrested Without Charges](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/ass-clowns-bassist-carnage-smith-arrested-without-charges/): The No Talent Ass Clowns' bassist Carnage Smith was arrested outside Jerry Gold Recording Studios in Kings Nose, NJ late last night. This is not an unusual occurrence. Carnage Smith has been arrested hundreds of times for drug possession and soliciting prostitutes. This time, however, there were no charges of any kind.
- [Lars Gunblade Busted For Possession of 57 Tons of Pot](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/lars-gunblade-busted-for-possession-of-57-tons-of-pot/): Legendary No Talent Ass Clowns front man Lars Gunblade was arrested this morning for possession of 57 tons of marijuana by ATF agents who track him throughout the year.
- [New Limited Edition Lars Gunblade Poster](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/new-limited-edition-lars-gunblade-poster/): For a limited time, No Talent Ass Clowns fans can get a special limited edition poster of rock legend, Lars Gunblade.
- [New Social Disease Named For Ass Clowns Band](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/new-social-disease-named-for-ass-clowns-band/): A virulent strain of social disease has been named after legendary band The No Talent Ass Clowns. Named "Assclownus-burning-urineus," the disease is unique to Ass Clown band members and their legions of groupies.
- [Ass Clowns’ Guitarist Checks Into Hospital For “Exhaustion”](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/ass-clowns-guitarist-checks-into-hospital-for-exhaustion/): Legendary bad boy rock guitarist Vas Defrens checked into an unnamed hospital in LA yesterday, making it the 42nd time he's done so in the last two years. A nervous hospital spokesman assured press members that Defrens was simply "exhausted" and nothing more needed to be said or written about it.
- [Lars Gunblade Announces Quickie Solo Tour](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/lars-gunblade-announces-quickie-solo-tour/): To the surprise of the rest of the band, No Talent Ass Clowns front man Lars Gunblade announced a brief solo tour in March. "Yeah, I needed to get away from the rest of the band," said Gunblade during a hastily called press conference aboard the band's tour blimp. "They suck and I wanted to play a few dates where I didn't have to share the money with other losers."
- [Band To Invest In Film Restoration](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/band-to-invest-in-film-restoration/): The No Talent Ass Clowns say they have finally found out their purpose... sponsoring 20 million dollars to restore cult favorite film, Manos, the Hands of Fate:
- [Lars Gunblade Says God Wants Him To Be a Decadent Rock Star](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/lars-gunblade-says-god-wants-him-to-be-a-decadent-rock-star/): No Talent Ass Clowns' front man Lars Gunblade says God has told him to live a life of sex, drugs and rock and roll.
- [Ass Clowns And Their Favorite Music Videos](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/ass-clowns-and-their-favorite-music-videos/): Recently, The No Talent Ass Clowns told Rock Wasteland Magazine about their favorite music videos. At first, they resisted giving an answer. After a barrage of f-words, they finally revealed their choices.
- [Violent Protesters Demand Death of Ass Clowns](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/violent-protesters-demand-death-of-ass-clowns/): Protests have erupted nationwide over the release of the latest No Talent Ass Clowns' CD Ass On Demand. The most aggressive protests have been in Kings Nose, NJ, where the infamous band got their start in the early 1990s.
- [Lars Gunblade CD Released as Special Edition](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/lars-gunblade-cd-released-as-special-edition/): Lars Gunblade's first solo CD, Songs About Stuff, hit the street Tuesday in a deluxe edition that included half-smoked joints, a used condom, women's panties and an all-access pass to the No Talent Ass Clowns' latest tour.
- [New CD Creates Waves](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/new-cd-created-waves/): Ass On Demand, the controversial new CD by The No Talent Ass Clowns has divided fans and outraged critics with its ass-related content.
- [New Ass Clowns CD Released Today](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/new-ass-clowns-cd-released-today/): Amid a cloud of secrecy, the newest No Talent Ass Clowns CD releases today. Entitled Ass On Demand, the cover art has stirred controversy.
- [Unhappy Customers Found in Restaurant’s Stew](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/unhappy-customers-found-in-resturants-stew/): In a shocking turn of events, the FDA has determined that several customers who complained about food at a trendy NYC restaurant went missing and later turned up in the restaurant's signature stew.
- [Forget Occupy Wall St.–Now It’s Occupy Consumption Auditorium](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/forget-occupy-wall-st-now-its-occupy-consumption-auditorium/): Discouraged by police brutality, Occupy Wall Street protesters now have set their sights on Consumption Auditorium, the sleazy music venue favored by legendary band The No Talent Ass Clowns. As of this morning, dozens of tents were seen at the building's entrance. Their mission--to get The No Talent Ass Clowns to lower their ticket prices from $5,000 per head and offer more shows at the venue many city officials have said will likely to be condemned shortly.
- [Lars Gunblade is Newest Herman Cain Accuser](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/lars-gunblade-is-newest-howard-cain-accuser/): Rocker Lars Gunblade of controversial band The No Talent Ass Clowns has become the 5th person to accuse presidential candidate Herman Cain of sexual misconduct. And the first male.
- [Drummer Joey Van Dundro Joins Wall Street Protesters](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/drummer-joey-van-dundro-joins-wall-street-protestors/): Adding to the frenzy of the Occupy Wall Street protesters was the sudden appearance of No Talent Ass Clowns drummer Joey Van Dundro this morning. Van Dundro showed up without bodyguards and joined one of the drum circles.
- [No Talent Ass Clowns Reunite](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/no-talent-ass-clowns-reunite/): Two days after breaking up, legendary rockers The No Talent Ass Clowns have reunited.
- [No Talent Ass Clowns Call It Quits](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/no-talent-ass-clowns-call-it-quits/): "We've done. It's over. I hate these guys. I hope they all die."
- [Renegade Christian Church Worships Ass Clowns CD](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/renegade-christian-church-worships-ass-clowns-cd/): The No Talent Ass Clowns's CD, Say Hello to My Posterior, may not have made it into the Billboard Top 100 albums but it is enjoying popularity with a fundamentalist Christian church in Snake Alley, NC. The small church worships each track on the CD as the literal word from heaven.
- [Vampire Kangaroos Blamed on Ass Clowns Band](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/vampire-kangaroos-blamed-on-ass-clowns-band/): "Vampire kangaroos" and dozens of mangled human bodies are being reported in Australia this week. At first, Australian officials were clueless as to how normally docile kangaroos were transforming into vampire killers. Then, they had their answer and the blame points squarely at a famous heavy metal band.
- [Band Tells All Other Music Groups To Quit Within 30 Days](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/band-tells-all-other-music-groups-to-quit-within-30-days/): Legendary rockers The No Talent Ass Clowns issued a statement this morning demanding that all other rock groups disband. The band appeared quite serious during their press conference aboard the band's tour blimp.
- [Rock Star Being Treated For Lack of Depression](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/rock-star-being-treated-for-lack-of-depression/): Rock star Lars Gunblade was recently admitted to an unnamed depression clinic. Doctors worried that the infamous front man of The No Talent Ass Clowns showed no signs of depression whatsoever.
- [Ass Clowns Launch Second Tour Blimp](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/ass-clowns-launch-second-tour-blimp/): Six months after destroying their first tour blimp in an elaborate joke on the pubic to make it appear the band had died, The No Talent Ass Clowns launched their second tour blimp on Saturday.
- [Famous rock anthemn “Blow Chunks Ballet” used at Gitmo, reveals Wikileaks](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/famous-rock-anthemn-blow-chunks-ballet-used-at-gitmo-reveals-wikileaks/): Wikileaks has revealed in a startling new report that "Blow Chunks Ballet", the famous drinking anthem by The No Talent Ass Clowns, was used to torture terrorist suspects at Gitmo.
- [Rock Star Arrested For Killing 6 Concertgoers With Taser](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/rock-star-arrested-for-killing-6-concertgoers-with-taser/): One thing you won't hear at a No Talent Ass Clowns concert is someone saying, "Don't tase me, bro!" Instead, front row concertgoers will be shouting for front man Lars Gunblade to tase them--repeatedly. Gunblade often tases dozens of concertgoers. At a concert last week during Historic Dildo Days in Dildo, Newfoundland, Gunblade reportedly tased one drunken patron 14 times. This individual, along with five others, died at the concert. The mayor of Dildo, Mickey Stubbs, was furious. "This is why we banned these guys last year. They cause problems."
- [Rock band declares bankruptcy](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/rock-band-declares-bankruptcy/): Legendary rockers, The No Talent Ass Clowns, have declared bankruptcy. "We're entitled to the protection of bankruptcy," proclaimed band members at a champagne press reception in New York City.
- [Fake Ass Clowns Concert Dates Plague Venues](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/fake-ass-clowns-concert-dates-plague-venues/): A new craze is sweeping the nation... fake No Talent Ass Clowns concert dates. Across the country, posters announce dates for No Talent Ass Clowns concerts that are fictitious. Concert venues are being vandalized by angry fans disappointed that the rock super group is not appearing.
- [Rock band demands more violence at concerts](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/rock-band-demands-more-violence-at-concerts/): Lars Gunblade of legendary heavy metal band The No Talent Ass Clowns says concerts have become too tame these days.
- [Band Against Ass Clowns Tribute Band](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/band-against-ass-clowns-tribute-band/): Legendary rock band The No Talent Ass Clowns issued a statement this morning concerning An Ass Clowns Tribute Band called Ass of Mass Destruction. It reads:
- [Rock Star Ashamed To Admit He’s Not Decadent](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/rock-star-shamed-to-admit-hes-not-decadent/): Rock guitarist Vas Defrens dropped a bomb on the rock music community when he admitted today that he doesn't actually live a life of debauchery.
- [Rocker Lars Gunblade Considering Presidential Run in 2012](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/rocker-lars-gunblade-considering-presidential-run-in-2012/): Singer Lars Gunblade of rock band The No Talent Ass Clowns says he may run for president in 2012.
- [Body of Ex-Ass Clowns Drummer Found with Yale Secret Society](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/body-of-ex-ass-clowns-drummer-found-with-yale-secret-society/): The body of Ex-No Talent Ass Clowns drummer, Vulgar Smith, was discovered yesterday with the Skull and Bones, an undergraduate senior or secret society at Yale University.
- [Ass Clown Singer Calls Fans “Developmentally Challenged Cretins”](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/ass-clown-singer-calls-fans-developmentally-challenged-cretins/): No Talent Ass Clowns singer Lars Gunblade is in hot water with fans after stating at a press conference that the band's fans are "nothing more than developmentally challenged cretins."
- [“Ass Clowning” — A Rowdy Concertgoer Ritual](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/ass-clowning-a-rowdy-concertgoer-ritual/): If you've ever been to a No Talent Ass Clowns concert, you've probably seen or heard about "ass clowning" where drunk concertgoers break into cars in the parking lot and defecate on the driver's seat. It is rumored to have started in 1996 at Consumption Auditorium when Nick Ray Tummo first committed the act.  "I was drunk and my friends all thought it was funny so I figured why not keeping doing it at shows? It gives me a kind of special spiritual connection to the concert."
- [Ass Clowns Sell Out to Advertisers](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/ass-clowns-sell-out-to-advertisers/): We knew it had to happen. After telling advertisers for years to fornicate themselves, The No Talent Ass Clowns are now hawking "El Grande Blue" a pill for erectile dysfunction and enhancement. The Chinese makers of El Grande Blue have been in court repeatedly for fraud and manslaughter charges over the years but the band stands behind the product.
- [BREAKING NEWS– band requires all female concertgoers to be topless](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/breaking-newsband-requires-all-female-concertgoers-to-be-topless/): It's official. If you're a female and you go to a No Talent Ass Clowns show, the band requires that you attend topless. In fact, females not adhering to the new provision will be escorted off the premises, according to Ass Clowns manager, Jerry Gold.
- [Ass Clowns Booted From Sex Addiction Clinic](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/ass-clowns-booted-from-sex-addiction-clinic/): Notorious for their debauched lifestyle, The No Talent Ass Clowns checked into the El Grande Hornio Sex Clinic in Malibu on Monday, only to be ordered to leave two days later.
- [Blimp Crash a Fake — Band Spotted in Amsterdam Brothel](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/blimp-crash-a-fake-band-spotted-in-amsterdam-brothel/): Apparently, The No Talent Ass Clowns faked their own deaths! Several tourists reported encountering the band at a brothel in Amsterdam last week.
- [No Talent Ass Clowns Die In Tragic Blimp Accident](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/no-talent-ass-clowns-die-in-tragic-blimp-incident/): Rescuers in Greenland have confirmed that legendary rock band The No Talent Ass Clowns died when their tour blimp crashed late Sunday night. Dazed roadie "Rando" Miller was found unharmed and he lead rescuers to a horrifying scene -- a polar bear eating the remains of the band members.
- [No Talent Ass Clowns Blimp Goes Missing; Obama Urges Calm](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/no-talent-ass-clowns-blimp-goes-missing-obama-urges-calm/): Shocking news -- The No Talent Ass Clowns tour blimp has disappeared over the frozen wastes of Greenland. In a Monday morning emergency press conference at the White House, President Obama asked the nation to remain calm.
- [Rock Star’s Signature Sells For 10 Million Dollars](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/rock-stars-signature-sells-for-10-million-dollars/): A major auction house recently sold a signed photograph of The No Talent Ass Clowns' Lars Gunblade for a record 10 million dollars.
- [Rock Star Creates Charity – For Himself](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/rock-star-creates-charity-for-himself/): No Talent Ass Clowns’ front man, Lars Gunblade, has created a charity unlike any other -- it’s for himself.
- [Are The No Talent Ass Clowns actually vampires?](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/are-the-no-talent-ass-clowns-actually-vampires/): A new find shows that’s exactly what they are! 18th century historian Rod Burnside recently came across a July 1735 edition of “Gentleman’s Magazine,” a popular London magazine of the time featuring an account of a band of musicians called The No Talent Ass Clowns.
- [Consumption Auditorium – Known By Rock Stars As “The Toilet”](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/consumption-auditorium-known-by-rock-stars-as-the-toilet/): Rock stars have a love/hate relationship with Consumption Auditorium. That is to say, every rock star hates it with the exception of The No Talent Ass Clowns, who call the place home. "We love it there!" exclaims front man Lars Gunblade. "Yeah, it's a manicured cesspool but it works for us. Just don't drink the tap water, take off your shoes or touch anything!"
- [Ass Clowns Drummer Not Arrested For Non-Sexual Act On Stage](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/ass-clowns-drummer-not-arrested-for-non-sexual-act-on-stage/): Police at a recent No Talent Ass Clowns concert did not arrest drummer Joey Van Dundro for committing a non-sexual act on stage.
- [More Colleges Ban “Blow Chunks Ballet”](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/more-colleges-ban-blow-chunks-ballet/): This morning Medfield College in Los Angeles, CA joined a long list of colleges that have banned The No Talent Ass Clowns' song "Blow Chunks Ballet."
- [“Blow Chunks Ballet” Leaked to YouTube – Band Furious](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/blow-chunks-ballet-leaked-to-youtube-band-furious/): The "Blow Chunks Ballet" music video is now on YouTube -- and The No Talent Ass Clowns couldn't be more angry.
- [Rock Wasteland Magazine Votes “Blow Chunks Ballet” Greatest Song Ever](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/magazine-votes-blow-chunks-ballet-greatest-song-ever/): Blow Chunks Ballet is the greatest rock and roll song of all time, according to Rock Wasteland Magazine. "Yeah, definitely," said Editor Chad Chez. "Blow Chunk Ballet is a song that everyone has an instant reaction to. Maybe it's revulsion, maybe elation, who knows? The point is, it's a great song and I'm not saying that just because I own 49% of the publishing rights."
- [No Talent Ass Clowns voted greatest rock band of all time](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/no-talent-ass-clowns-voted-greatest-rock-band-of-all-time/): Legendary rock band The No Talent Ass Clowns have been voted the greatest rock band of all time. In a surprise press conference aboard the band's tour blimp, Ass Clowns manager Jerry Gold announced that the voting came from the band itself. "The band decided that they were the best and now they want everyone to know it," said Gold as he groped two Ass Clowns groupies.
- [Vas Defrens’ New ASS HOUSE Opens](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/vas-defrens-new-a-house-opens/): Lead guitarist Vas Defrens of the legendary rock band The No Talent Ass Clowns was on hand recently to dedicate the opening of his new business venture, The Ass House restaurant in New York City. Other rock stars were conspicuously absent. Rumors are spreading that it is Defrens and his obsession with ass-related subjects that has “doomed” the band.
- [Vas Defrens’ new CD called “Pure Genius” by Defrens](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/vas-defrens-new-cd-called-pure-genius-by-defrens/): Hot on the heels of Lars Gunblade’s new CD, “You Make Me Sick” comes the first solo album from No Talent Ass Crowns’ guitarist, Vas Defrens.
- [Lars Gunblade tells Britney Spears, “No, kiss MY a**!”](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/lars-gunblade-tells-britney-spears-no-kiss-my-a/): No Talent Ass Clowns front man Lars Gunblade said "Britney Spears can, in fact, kiss MY a**!" during a press conference aboard the band's tour blimp Friday morning.
- [No Talent Ass Clowns Release New CD in Mono](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/no-talent-ass-clowns-release-new-cd-in-mono/): Say hello… to mono! No Talent Ass Clown fans are shocked. Instead of slick production techniques in fancy studios, legendary rock band The No Talent Ass Clowns choose to produce Say Hello to My Posterior in mono.
- [No Talent Ass Clowns and Technoviking (Techno Viking) to Team Up](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/no-talent-ass-clowns-and-technoviking-to-team-up/): Internet sensation Technoviking (Techno Viking) and world famous rock band, The No Talent Ass Clowns have something in the works.
- [No Talent Ass Clowns furious that web sites call them “parody band”](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/no-talent-ass-clowns-furious-that-web-sites-call-them-parody-band/): Rock band The No Talent Ass Clowns is angry that several web sites refer to them as a parody band.
- [Lars Gunblade Arrested Outside Rock And Roll Hall of Fame](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/lars-gunblade-arrested-outside-rock-and-roll-hall-of-fame/): Legendary front man of The No Talent Ass Clowns, Lars Gunblade, was arrested for urinating on the entrance of the Cleveland landmark recently. "How could these a-holes not nominate The No Talent Ass Clowns? Christ, they nominated Bon Jovi! Those guys suck!" screamed Gunblade as police took him into custody. He was later released into the custody of the Ass Clowns' manager, Jerry Gold.
- [Lars Gunblade donates first car to Planet Hollywood in Guam](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/lars-gunblade-donates-first-car-to-planet-hollywood-in-guam/): No Talent Ass Clowns' front man, Lars Gunblade, donated his first car to Planet Hollywood in Guam this week. Gunblade explained that the car, a 1975 Trans-Am, is important for two reasons. "One, I lost my virginity in that car and two, I wrote 'Blow Chunks Ballet' in it. In fact, the  stains on the back seat are the chunks that I blew every weekend in the 80's."
- [Stink Bug Overlords to be new CD from Ass Clowns.](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/stinkbug-overlords-to-be-new-cd-from-ass-clowns/): Legendary rock band The No Talent Ass Clowns are hurriedly recording a new CD to be entitled "We Welcome Our Stink Bug Overlords"
- [Ass Clowns Threaten To Cancel Concert Tour](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/ass-clowns-threaten-to-cancel-concert-tour/): After hiking concert tickets to $5,000 each, No Talent Ass Clowns concert sales are in the toilet. Front man Lars Gunblade issued a threat yesterday from the band's tour blimp: start buying tickets or the concert tour is over.
- [Step Aside, U2! Ass Clowns To Charge $5,000 For Concert Seats](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/band-to-charge-5000-for-concert-seats/): “I decided enough was enough,” said Ass Clowns front man, Lars Gunblade from the band’s new tour blimp. “To see U2 is like 250 bucks and people are payin’ it! If they’re stupid enough to pay that, they’re stupid enough to pay five grand! U2, you guys can step aside. You only thought you were ripping off fans! Watch how the masters do it!”
- [New chart shows how many groupies each Ass Clowns band member has gotten pregnant](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/new-chart-shows-how-many-groupies-each-ass-clowns-band-member-has-gotten-pregnant/): No Talent Ass Clowns pregnancies are legendary... so much so that the band has released a chart showing just how many groupies each band member has impregnated over the years.
- [Navy blimp in Gulf nearly collides with No Talent Ass Clowns blimp](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/navy-blimp-in-gulf-nearly-collides-with-no-talent-ass-clowns-blimp/): A Navy blimp flying over the Gulf of Mexico to survey oil spill damage almost collided with another blimp belonging to the rock band, The No Talent Ass Clowns.
- [The No Talent Ass Clowns Launch First Tour Blimp](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/the-no-talent-ass-clowns-launch-first-tour-blimp/): Other bands have tour buses but now legendary rock band, The No Talent Ass Clowns, have recently launched the world’s first tour blimp. With it, they plan to finish out their “Say Hello To My Posterior” tour dates for this year.
- [No Talent Ass Clowns For Guitar Hero Announced](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/no-talent-ass-clowns-for-guitar-hero-announced/): After years of delays, No, Not There! Records announced yesterday that The No Talent Ass Clowns will finally be available on Guitar Hero. The much-anticipated release of their biggest hit, “Blow Chunks Ballet,” has Guitar Hero fans anxious to try imitating Vas Defrens’ tricky guitar solo.
- [No Talent Ass Clowns Video Banned!](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/no-talent-ass-clowns-video-banned/): The music video for Ass of Mass Destruction has been banned by every broadcast outlet in the US. Consequently sales for the Pucker Factor CD have dropped out of the top 50,000.
- [Historic Dildo Days Says “No” To No Talent Ass Clowns](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/historic-dildo-days-says-no-to-ass-clowns/): Historic Dildo Days may never be the same again. At least not if the town's mayor has anyway to do with it.
- [Ex-Ass Clowns Drummer Found Dead](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/ex-ass-clowns-drummer-found-dead/): Vulgar Smith, the ex-drummer for The No Talent Ass Clowns has been found dead in a Key West hotel room. The cause of death has not been disclosed.
- [Dave Grohl, Lars Gunblade Photo Uncovered!](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/dave-grohl-lars-gunblade-photo-uncovered/): Rock fans have known for years that Dave Grohl of the Foo Fighters and Lars Gunblade of The No Talent Ass Clowns are sworn enemies. In interviews, both have sometimes confirmed the rumors and denied them. Sometimes, the two have even denied knowing each other.
- [Lars Gunblade arrested at Consumption Auditorium](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/lars-gunblade-arrested-at-consumption-auditorium/): Lars Gunblade, the controversial lead singer of the No Talent Ass Clowns, was arrested outside Consumption Auditorium after a scuffle with an angry fan.
- [“Back Door Club” stirs controversy](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/%e2%80%9cback-door-club%e2%80%9d-stirs-controversy/): New York City officials aren’t happy about what the new Ass House Restaurant calls its V.I.P. club—The Back Door Club.
- [Dress Like An Ass Clown](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/dress-like-an-ass-clown/): Just announced. Brand new No Talent Ass Clowns merchandise is here! Have the great rock band on earth on a t-shirt, a trucker's hat or a thong--or all three! Tell the world you’re an ass clown! Just stop by the "Dress Like An Ass Clown" page for details. Lead singer Lars Gunblade has already said "any chick wearing this concert t-shirt is guaranteed admission backstage. The No Talent Ass Clowns thong is a good idea too!"
- [Lars Gunblade Photo Book? Are U Kidding Me?](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/lars-gunblade-photo-book-are-u-kidding-me/): By Vulgar Smith, Ex-No Talent Ass Clowns Drummer
- [New “No Talent Ass Clowns” Bootleg Released](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/new-no-talent-ass-clowns-bootleg-released/): Pitch those Pearl Jam bootlegs. Make room for the No Talent Ass Clowns bootleg, “Live at the Route 40 Lounge.” Recorded just after their first CD, “Behind the Times,” this is vintage Ass Clowns in concert. The good news is they play several songs from Gunblade’s former band, Factory-Sealed Fornicators. The bad news is... they play several songs from Gunblade’s former band, Factory-Sealed Fornicators.
- [Just In: Track Listing for “You Make Me Sick”](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/just-in-track-listing-for-you-make-me-sick/): By Chuck Chadwell
- [Lars’ New Book — Not For the Easily Offended or Very Literate](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/lars%e2%80%99-new-book-%e2%80%94-not-for-the-easily-offended-or-very-literate/): By Chuck Chatwell
- [Vas Defrens’ New CD – Shit or Sublime?](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/vas-defrens-new-cd-shit-or-sublime/): What can I say? The new Vas CD is different. Real different. The kind of different most people tend to avoid like the plague.

## Pages
- [The Circuit](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/the-circuit/): Every empty room, every stunned crowd, every town that still pretends it was sold out.
- [The Rags](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/the-rags/)
- [Home](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/)
- [Band Plays For Empty Theater at The Fillmore](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tour/band-plays-for-empty-theater-at-the-fillmore/): Infamous heavy metal band The No Talent Ass Clowns recently played a gig at The Fillmore in San Francisco to a totally empty theater. Turns out they planned it that way.
- [Band Plays To Empty Venue at The Crocodile in Seattle](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tour/band-plays-to-empty-venue-at-the-crocodile-in-seattle/): Legendary band The No Talent Ass Clowns recently played a gig at The Crocodile in Seattle, WA with absolutely no one in the audience. And it was totally on purpose.
- [Band Plays to Empty Venue at Trees, Deep Ellum](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tour/band-plays-to-empty-venue-at-trees-deep-ellum/): Megaband The No Talent Ass Clowns recently played a show at Trees in Deep Ellum, TX with no audience of any kind. And it was on purpose.
- [The Old Blue Last Concertgoers Tased By Band](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tour/the-old-blue-last-concertgoers-tased-by-band/): Several music fans were tased by infamous American band The No Talent Ass Clowns during a recent concert at the Old Blue Last in Shoreditch. Lead singer Lars Gunblade delights in using a taser on fans, something he revealed in a recent video interview. Some London fans were terrified when Gunblade pulled out the taser while the band played their popular song “Blow Chunks Ballet” and started repeatedly shocking fans in the front row.
- [Van Wezel Concertgoers Tased by Band](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tour/van-wezel-concertgoers-tased-by-band/): Music fans were repeatedly tased by infamous band The No Talent Ass Clowns during a recent concert at the Van Wezel Performing Arts Hall in Sarasota, Florida. Lead singer Lars Gunblade apparently enjoys using a taser on fans in the front row at Ass Clowns concerts, something that Gunblade talked about in a video interview. Some Sarasota, Florida fans were horrified when Gunblade pulled out the taser while the band played their crowd-pleasing song “Blow Chunks Ballet” and started shocking particularly rowdy fans in the front row.
- [The Orange Peel Concertgoers Tased by Band](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tour/the-orange-peel-concertgoers-tased-by-band/): Recently, music fans were savagely tased by bad boy band The No Talent Ass Clowns during a concert at the Orange Peel in Asheville, North Carolina. Lead singer Lars Gunblade apparently enjoys using a taser on fans in the front row at Ass Clowns concerts, something that Gunblade talked about in a video interview. Some Asheville, North Carolina fans were horrified when Gunblade pulled out the taser while the band played their well-known song “Blow Chunks Ballet” and started shocking rowdy fans in the front row.
- [40 Watt Club Concertgoers in Athens Tased by Band](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tour/40-watt-club-concertgoers-tased-by-band/): Music fans were brutally tased recently by controversial band The No Talent Ass Clowns during a concert at the 40 Watt Club in Athens, Georgia. The audience couldn't believe what was happening.
- [Rock Concert at the Double Door Lures Topless Female Fans](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tour/rock-concert-at-the-double-door-lures-topless-female-fans/): Female fans at a recent The No Talent Ass Clowns rock concert at the Double Door in Chicago attended entirely topless, as was requested by band’s contract. Male Chicago fans were ecstatic when they saw groups of half-naked women in the Double Door venue, glad that the room was quite cold that night.
- [Rock Concert At The Paradise Draws Topless Female Fans](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tour/rock-concert-at-the-paradise-draws-topless-female-fans/): Female fans at a recent The No Talent Ass Clowns rock concert at the Paradise in Boston attended topless, as mandated in the legendary band's inflexible contract. Male Boston fans were getting off on seeing the waves of bare-breasted women at the Paradise venue, no doubt glad that the Boston air was colder than usual inside.
- [Rock Concert at Beerland Draws Topless Female Fans](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tour/rock-concert-at-beerland-draws-topless-female-fans/): Austin TX female fans at a recent The No Talent Ass Clowns rock concert at Beerland attended topless, as requested by the band. Male Austin fans showed their appreciation when they saw the crowd of topless women at the Beerland venue, and they were very happy that the air was cold that evening.
- [Rock Concert at the Ogden Theatre Draws Topless Female Fans](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tour/3625-2/): Denver female fans at a recent The No Talent Ass Clowns rock concert at the Ogden Theatre attended entirely topless, as demanded by the controversial band’s dictatorial contract. Male Denver fans voiced approval when they saw waves of topless women arrive at the Ogden Theatre venue. The guys also expressed their extreme appreciation that the air was super chilly that night.
- [Rock Concert at The Masonic Lures Topless Female Fans](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tour/rock-concert-at-the-masonic-lures-topless-female-fans/): Female fans at a recent The No Talent Ass Clowns rock concert at The Masonic in San Francisco attended 100% topless, as was requested by band's contract. Male San Francisco fans were more than happy to see the groups of half-naked women in The Masonic venue, no doubt glad that the room was unusually cold.
- [Rock Concert At Tivoli Theatre Brings Topless Female Fans](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tour/3615-2/): Brisbane female fans at a recent The No Talent Ass Clowns rock concert at Tivoli Theatre attended completely topless, as demanded by the band’s dictatorial contract. Male Brisbane fans hooted their approval when they saw dozens of topless women arrive at the Tivoli Theatre venue. The guys were especially grateful that the air was so chilly that night.
- [Rock Concert at Rock City Brings Topless Female Fans](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tour/rock-concert-at-rock-city-brings-topless-female-fans/): Nottingham female fans at a recent The No Talent Ass Clowns rock concert at Rock City attended completely topless, as demanded by the band’s rather lengthy contract. Male Nottingham fans voiced their approval when they saw hundreds of topless women arrive at the Rock City venue. The guys were particularly grateful that the air was very chilly that night.
- [Rock Concert at Night & Day Cafe Draws Topless Female Fans](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tour/rock-concert-at-night-day-cafe-draws-topless-female-fans/): Manchester female fans at a recent The No Talent Ass Clowns rock concert at Day & Night Cafe attended entirely topless, as demanded by the controversial band’s quite specific contract. Male Manchester fans roared their approval when they saw waves of topless birds arrive at the Night & Day Cafe venue. The guys were especially glad that the air was unusually chilly that night.
- [Rock Concert at Rams Head Live! Draws Topless Female Fans](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tour/rock-concert-at-rams-head-live-draws-topless-female-fans/): Baltimore female fans at a recent The No Talent Ass Clowns rock concert at Rams Head Live! attended entirely topless, as demanded by the controversial band’s contract. Male Baltimore fans screamed their approval when they saw waves of topless women arrive at the Rams Head Live! venue. The guys also shouted their appreciation for the fact that the air was unusually chilly that night.
- [Rock Concert at the 9:30 Club Attracts Topless Female Fans](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tour/rock-concert-at-the-930-club/): Washington D.C. female fans at a recent The No Talent Ass Clowns rock concert at the 9:30 Club attended entirely topless, as stipulated by the band's contract. Male DC fans hooted their approval when they saw the legions of topless women at the 9:30 Club venue. The guys said they had a great deal of appreciation for the fact that the air was much chillier than normal that evening.
- [Rock Concert at The Forum Attracts Topless Female Fans](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tour/rock-concert-at-the-forum-attracts-topless-female-fans/): Los Angeles female fans at a recent The No Talent Ass Clowns rock concert at The Forum attended topless, as required by the band in their contract. Male Los Angeles fans shouted their approval upon seeing the hordes of topless women at The Forum venue. The guys said they were very happy that the air was chilly that evening.
- [Rock Concert at First Avenue Attracts Topless Female Fans](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tour/rock-concert-at-first-avenue-attracts-topless-female-fans/): Minneapolis female fans at a recent The No Talent Ass Clowns rock concert at First Avenue attended wearing no tops, as very specifically requested by the band in their contract. Male Minneapolis fans were intensely glad to see the bevy of topless women at the First Avenue venue, no doubt glad that the air was very cold that evening.
- [Rock Concert at TD Garden Brings Topless Female Fans](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tour/rock-concert-at-td-garden-brings-topless-female-fans/): Boston female fans at a recent The No Talent Ass Clowns rock concert at TD Garden attended wearing no tops, as required by the controversial band in their lengthy contract. Male Boston fans were elated to witness the throngs of bare-breasted ladies at the TD Garden venue, no doubt glad that the air was colder than usual in the arena.
- [Rock Concert at Red Rocks Brings Topless Female Fans](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tour/rock-concert-at-red-rocks-brings-topless-female-fans/): Colorado female fans at a recent The No Talent Ass Clowns rock concert at Red Rocks Amphitheater attended wearing no tops, as specifically requested by the band in their contract. Male Colorado fans were very happy to see the throngs of bare-breasted women at the Red Rocks venue, no doubt glad that the air was so cold that night.
- [Rock Concert at Verizon Center Attracts Topless Female Fans](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tour/rock-concert-at-verizon-center-attracts-topless-female-fans/): Female fans at a recent The No Talent Ass Clowns rock concert at Verizon Center in Washington DC attended 100% topless, as urgently requested by the band in their contract. Male DC fans were more than happy to see the swarms of half-naked women in the Verizon Center venue, no doubt glad that the arena was unusually cold.
- [Rock Concert at Staples Arena Brings Topless Fans](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tour/rock-concert-at-staples-arena-brings-topless-fans/): Mega hot female fans at a recent The No Talent Ass Clowns rock concert at Staples Arena in Los Angeles, California attended entirely topless, as requested by the band in their contract. Male Los Angeles fans were exited to see the swarms of half-naked women in the concert hall, no doubt appreciating the fact that the room was fairly cold.
- [Rock Concert at Madison Square Garden, NYC Brings Topless Fans](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tour/rock-concert-at-madison-square-garden-nyc-brings-topless-fans/): Super hot female fans at a recent The No Talent Ass Clowns rock concert at Madison Square Garden in NYC attended topless, in accordance with the band's contractual demands. Male NYC fans were exited to see the swarms of half-naked women in the concert hall, no doubt appreciating the fact that the room was way colder than normal.
- [Female Fans Topless at Rock Concert in Kings Nose, NJ](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tour/female-fans-topless-rock-concert-in-kings-nose-nj/): Female Fans at the recent The No Talent Ass Clowns rock concert in Kings Nose were entirely topless, just as the band demanded in its contract. Male Kings Nose fans were exited to see the swarms of half-naked women in the concert hall, no doubt appreciating the fact that the room was fairly cold.
- [Blow Chunks Ballet: Legendary Song](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/blow-chunks-ballet-a-legendary-song/): Blow Chunks Ballet is a song most bands can only wish they had in their set list! Consistently rated as The Ass Clowns' greatest song, Blow Chunks Ballet has become a drinking anthem for college students worldwide. Today, it's hard to find a frat party that doesn't have Blow Chunks Ballet blaring from the speakers at some point during the night with wasted students shouting the chorus at the top of their lungs. The legendary song, which front man Lars Gunblade composed in five minutes on the toilet, has many fans... and many detractors.
- [The Groupies’ Corner: Have What It Takes?](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/the-groupies-corner/): By Luffy Laughlin, Queen of The No Talent Ass Clown Groupies
- [Dress Like an Ass Clown](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/dress-like-an-ass-clown/): Dress Like an Ass Clown with these quality products personally approved by the band members themselves!
- [Wallpaper Downloads](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/downloads/): THE NO TALENT ASS CLOWNS WALLPAPER
- [Lars Gunblade: Rock Legend](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/lars-gunblade/): Granted, this Lars Gunblade CD is terrible. But, hey, it's a very different direction from the Ass Clowns. For a start, it's not about asses (unheard of on an Ass Clowns album).  And it contains yet another version of the Ass Clowns classic song, "Blow Chunks Ballet." The only comment from Lars Gunblade: "If you don't like it, you're dumb."
- [What Up](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/what-up/): Blow Chunks Ballet -- the most famous song in the set list for The No Talent Ass Clowns. It's become a drinking anthem for college students worldwide. Today, it's hard to find a frat party that doesn't have Blow Chunks Ballet blaring from the speakers at some point during the night with wasted students shouting the chorus at the top of their lungs.
- [Factory-Sealed Fornicators](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/factory-sealed-fornicators/): It took a search of every cut-out record bin in the country but we finally located the debut record from Lars Gunblade, circa 1991. Although Factory-Sealed Fornicators broke up two weeks after the record came out, it's an interesting look into the beginnings of the Gunblade legend. Lars says this album was a big mistake and it's not music he wants anyone to listen to ever again.
- [The No Talent Ass Clowns Discography](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/discography-2/): The No Talent Ass Clowns Discography Behind The Times Behind The Times Sex Me Up, Hose Me Down! Let’s Try Somethin’ Different Keep It Clean (But Dirty) Tight Squeeze Do You? (I Hope So!) Manos, The Hands of Fate Loosen the Bell, the Goat is Home Blow Chunks Ballet (Hear the whole bloody song) Pucker Factor Pucker Factor Ass of Mass Destruction Brown Helmet Bingo Time For Round Two, Baby! Come Back, Go Away It’s All Good (For Me!) Live at Consumption Auditorium Live at Consumption Auditorium Ass of Mass Destruction (Hear an excerpt) Let’s Try Somethin’ Different Do You? (I Hope So!) Sex Me Up, Hose Me Down Keep It Clean (But Dirty) Tight Squeeze Blow Chunks Ballet (Hear an awesome excerpt) Assume The Position Say Hello To My Posterior Say Hello to My Posterior Assume The Position (excerpt here) Fast Or Slow? I’m Almost There Yes, Yes, Yes Gotta Go Don’t “Friend” Me, Girl! Ass On Demand Ass On Demand All Ass, No Heart Ass Me Why Keep Off the Ass Season of Ass All That Glitters Is Not Ass Brave New Ass In My Mind's Ass Tower of Ass All Heart, No Ass Ass On Demand Express Elevator to Hell Burn You To A Crisp Hey, Babe, Do My Laundry Worshippin' The Devil In You I'm Drunk, You're Drunk, Let's Go I Don't Care If You've Got A Headache Let's Do Some Crimes I Always Have Time For THAT Don't Want No Job Who Took My Stash? Express Elevator To Hell A Little Ass Music Brain Dump Hammered Hammered, Part II Hammered, Part III Brain Dump Brain Dump, Part II Brain Dump, Part III Do the Deed Do the Deed, Part II Do the Deed, Part III Pinch The Loaf Pinch the Loaf Adderall Blues Oh, Snap, She's Got the Clap Shut Up and Open Your Mouth Sex Me Up, Hose Me Down I Finished, Now Get Out! Words of Wisdom (New Zealand pressing only) All Hail Mammary Protrusions I'm Feelin' Randy. But Who's Randy Feelin'? Ass On Demand Untitled    
- [Tour Dates](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tour/): 2014 TOUR DATES:
- [Band Bios](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/band-bios/): Abandoned by his parents when he was three, Lars lived in the sewer system beneath the streets of Kings Nose, NJ eating rats and listening to rock music blaring from car windows on the streets above. He was eventually taken in by a kind-hearted hooker and her pimp named "Lucky" and lived in the basement of their brothel until his early teens.

## Categories
- [From the Archives](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/category/from-the-archives/): Archive stories about The No Talent Ass Clowns you may have missed the first time around.
- [Latest Ass Clown Updates](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/category/latest-ass-clown-updates/): Latest news from The No Talent Ass Clowns, the greatest rock band on earth, whether the rooms were full or not.
- [Music Videos](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/category/music-videos/): Music videos from The No Talent Ass Clowns, including the songs they insist are better in mono.

## Tags
- [2012 election](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/2012-election/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged 2012 election.
- [American Revolution](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/american-revolution/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged American Revolution.
- [ass](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/ass/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged ass.
- [ass clowns](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/ass-clowns/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged ass clowns.
- [Beatles Conspiracies](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/beatles-conspiracies/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged Beatles Conspiracies.
- [Benedict Arnold](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/benedict-arnold/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged Benedict Arnold.
- [Benedict Arnold Memorial](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/benedict-arnold-memorial/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged Benedict Arnold Memorial.
- [blow chunks](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/blow-chunks/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged blow chunks.
- [blow chunks ballet](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/blow-chunks-ballet/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged blow chunks ballet.
- [Canada](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/canada/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged Canada.
- [centralia](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/centralia/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged centralia.
- [Centralia PA](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/centralia-pa/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged Centralia PA.
- [charlie sheen](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/charlie-sheen/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged charlie sheen.
- [Chateau de Twat](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/chateau-de-twat/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged Chateau de Twat.
- [circle jerkular logic](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/circle-jerkular-logic/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged circle jerkular logic.
- [concert posters](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/concert-posters/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged concert posters.
- [concert violence](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/concert-violence/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged concert violence.
- [concerts](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/concerts/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged concerts.
- [Connecticut](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/connecticut/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged Connecticut.
- [Consumption Auditorium](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/consumption-auditorium/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged Consumption Auditorium.
- [Dave Groehl](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/dave-groehl/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged Dave Groehl.
- [Dave Grohl](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/dave-grohl/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged Dave Grohl.
- [Dildo Dory Grill](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/dildo-dory-grill/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged Dildo Dory Grill.
- [edison cylinders](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/edison-cylinders/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged edison cylinders.
- [fake bands](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/fake-bands/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged fake bands.
- [fake concerts](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/fake-concerts/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged fake concerts.
- [fake Time Magazine cover](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/fake-time-magazine-cover/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged fake Time Magazine cover.
- [Foo Fighters](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/foo-fighters/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged Foo Fighters.
- [Foo Fighters hiatus](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/foo-fighters-hiatus/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged Foo Fighters hiatus.
- [Free Centralia concert](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/free-centralia-concert/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged Free Centralia concert.
- [free concert](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/free-concert/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged free concert.
- [funny](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/funny/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged funny.
- [Gay](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/gay/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged Gay.
- [Gibson](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/gibson/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged Gibson.
- [Gods of Rock](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/gods-of-rock/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged Gods of Rock.
- [groupies](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/groupies/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged groupies.
- [Historic Dildo Days](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/historic-dildo-days/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged Historic Dildo Days.
- [Joey Van Dundro](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/joey-van-dundro/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged Joey Van Dundro.
- [Jon Stewart](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/jon-stewart/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged Jon Stewart.
- [Lars Gunblade](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/lars-gunblade/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged Lars Gunblade.
- [Les Paul](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/les-paul/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged Les Paul.
- [new CD releases](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/new-cd-releases/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged new CD releases.
- [no talent ass clowns](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/no-talent-ass-clowns/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged no talent ass clowns.
- [Norwich](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/norwich/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged Norwich.
- [nude concertgoers](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/nude-concertgoers/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged nude concertgoers.
- [official music video](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/official-music-video/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged official music video.
- [parody](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/parody/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged parody.
- [parody bands](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/parody-bands/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged parody bands.
- [Paul is dead](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/paul-is-dead/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged Paul is dead.
- [Pete Best](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/pete-best/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged Pete Best.
- [politics](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/politics/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged politics.
- [presidential election](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/presidential-election/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged presidential election.
- [pushing rope](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/pushing-rope/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged pushing rope.
- [Revolutionary War reenactors](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/revolutionary-war-reenactors/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged Revolutionary War reenactors.
- [rock band debauchery](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/rock-band-debauchery/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged rock band debauchery.
- [rock band parody](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/rock-band-parody/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged rock band parody.
- [rock bands](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/rock-bands/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged rock bands.
- [rock debauchery](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/rock-debauchery/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged rock debauchery.
- [rock parody band](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/rock-parody-band/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged rock parody band.
- [Sarah Palin](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/sarah-palin/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged Sarah Palin.
- [satire](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/satire/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged satire.
- [sex addiction](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/sex-addiction/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged sex addiction.
- [Ted Nugent](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/ted-nugent/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged Ted Nugent.
- [The Beatles](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/the-beatles/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged The Beatles.
- [tragic blimp accident](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/tragic-blimp-accident/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged tragic blimp accident.
- [Vas Defrens](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/vas-defrens/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged Vas Defrens.
- [Virgin sacrifce](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/virgin-sacrifce/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged Virgin sacrifce.
- [virgin sacrifice](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/virgin-sacrifice/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged virgin sacrifice.
- [virgin sacrifices](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/virgin-sacrifices/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged virgin sacrifices.
- [Vulgar Smith](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/vulgar-smith/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged Vulgar Smith.
- [whisper to the thunder](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/whisper-to-the-thunder/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged whisper to the thunder.
- [White House Correspondents](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/white-house-correspondents/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged White House Correspondents.
- [world domination](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/world-domination/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged world domination.
- [Worst wine ever](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tag/worst-wine-ever/): Posts from The No Talent Ass Clowns tagged Worst wine ever.

## The band
- Lars Gunblade, vocals. Sewer alumnus from Kings Nose, NJ. Solo page: https://thenotalentassclowns.com/lars-gunblade/
- Vas Defrens, lead guitar. Bio: https://thenotalentassclowns.com/band-bios/
- Carnage Smith, bass. Bio: https://thenotalentassclowns.com/band-bios/
- Joey Van Dundro, drums and cowbell. Bio: https://thenotalentassclowns.com/band-bios/

## Records
- Behind The Times, Pucker Factor, Live at Consumption Auditorium, Say Hello to My Posterior, Ass On Demand, Express Elevator to Hell, Brain Dump, Pinch The Loaf.
- Full discography: https://thenotalentassclowns.com/discography-2/
- Lars Gunblade's earlier band, Factory-Sealed Fornicators: https://thenotalentassclowns.com/factory-sealed-fornicators/

## How to read this site
- The Rags are the news posts: https://thenotalentassclowns.com/the-rags/
- The Circuit collects the venue writeups: https://thenotalentassclowns.com/the-circuit/
- Tour dates: https://thenotalentassclowns.com/tour/
- Wallpapers: https://thenotalentassclowns.com/downloads/
- The venue pages are the band's own concert writeups, written in a tabloid voice. They are not neutral reviews.

## Optional
- [XML sitemap](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/sitemap_index.xml): every indexable post, page, category, and tag.
- [Robots](https://thenotalentassclowns.com/robots.txt): crawl rules.